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Lair of Memories – Archived Post December 28, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Sunday, December 28, 2003
*~ Comming Back Into Play~*Konnichiwa nyo! ^.^ lately i have been a bit busy and i havent had time to actually do much. My christmas was ok and i got several presents, i am just happy that the gifts i gave made my friends eyes sparkle. Thats the best gift of all ^.^ I havent had much time to talk to anyone but i try my best. The new year is comming i wonder what it has in store for all of us, well what ever it is i hope that it brings goodness and light to all of you, happiness and love… Dont forget me! Always remember the good times we all had, I will always remember all the good and bad things that happened in our pasts, the years that have gone by have not shattered into nothing, just building so we could have new futures ^.^ … Moving on, not much to explain about my Winter Vacation unless you would like to hear of arguments among my family and stuff o.o;;… nyeh, makes me sad… u.u;;….

*~Missing Me Is Sweet, But Is It True?..~*

This might be one of the most shortest Entrees i ever made O.o;;… i usually type alot and have quizes at the end, but this time i dont -.-;; … Wondering if many things are true is hard, keeping my hopes up knowing if i really am or am not ignored is tireing and depressing, i can see and feel the happiness of my friends and it makes me glad to see they are enjoying themselves. I really hope they are Truely Happy, For right now i am not because of all the hell i am going through, it feels like i wont even last much longer and i may disapear, Happiness is disapearing in my household and turning into resentment and hatered…. Everyone lost respect of one another and are going crazy because of it, i see people trying to help but i am sorry that its not seemingly working well enough… I guess i need to go through all this for a reason, and i am truely sorry that i havent been able to contact many people at all, if everyone still cares and remembers me (sad i know it is, but some of the people i used to talk to now fall into that catagory) please try to attempt to talk to me… anything.. please… e-mail, IM, Phone Call (if you have my number that is) anything… i dont want to be left alone again… im scared…..

Posted 12/28/2003 8:54 PM
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Lair of Memories – Archived Post December 11, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Thursday, December 11, 2003
~*The soft touch of the Snowfall*~Its already December, and i havent posted for a while now have i? well to update a lil i changed the song (well my old song didnt work so i used another one which is just as good ^.^;; ) I personally dont have much to say though because i have been sick for these past few weeks… though if you do want to talk to me or something you can catch me around “Gaia” or “Neopets” ^.^ well mainly around Gaia lol…My Gaian name= Tenshi_Hope_Sama
Neopets name= Angelpika77

i would do more than just go on those sites but sometimes games hurt my mind ^.^:;; i had so many requests to play a bunch of online war games and RPGS, but i know that would really frustrate me more right now since i am sick…

~*Health and some nice gifts are the things i wish to recieve for Christmas…*~This christmas i would love to see my old friends and spend some time with them as well as exchange some gifts, and i am not a selfish person either… i would much rather give than recieve because i know if you always want you will never get… but thats what i was taught when i was little by my family even though they did kind of treat me poorly but they are forgiven because they changed over the years… This year i dont have a wishlist because the wishlist i made last year i got everything i wanted, and my list wasnt that long as it is anyways, basicly it was for my family to be calm and nice to one another and that i would live past christmas. This year i am happy as i am but there would be one thing i mainly want, no one can give it to me because the wish is not possable for a person to get, it isnt even buyable, its priceless… its a moment… The joy to be in the arms of the one I love is more important to me than any gift i can recieve. But right now isnt the time so i need to be more patient than i have ever been in my life. But i thank those who made my old wishes come true ^.^

~*Into the night I return to my slumber to heal…*~As i drink my tea with honey so sweet to calm my throat i get ready to relax and rest my long awaited rest of healing. As i rest on my cloud of comfort i shall think of you all, till the next time i write, i shall miss you all. Enjoy the few quizes i took as i leave. Sayonara Minna-san..

You represent... kindness.
You represent… kindness. You’re a very gentle, kind, and caring individual.
You truely care about people and are generally
well-liked. Though sometimes you may be
perceived as weak, you truely have a strong
heart and a good desire to help others.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla You represent... hope.
You represent… hope. You’re quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don’t
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life… even if they are
a little far fetched.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla [(yesh i got both x.x;;)]

Posted 12/11/2003 9:32 PM

Lair of Memories – Archived Post September 23, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Tuesday, September 23, 2003
*~Thoughts In This Troubled Mind~*Well I guess I should post about what exactly has been going on this month, as you all know I have been at school so it really is not in my schedule to post a lot, maybe once or twice a month until I have a vacation. As usual I have my quizies to post at the end of this entrée as well >.>;; how did a acento get on that “e”?… oh well… anyways… moving on to what has happened…

-September, 2003-
Well in the beginning of September I had gotten ready for school, and as many know me I was thinking it was gonna be a good year this year, heh what a joke…. As always the beginning starts out fine until it meets kind of like the few days after having school… Alright well it was much worse than I thought It was really going to be. I will put how I felt in each class in the first few days of school then get onto the details about how it got worse in the later weeks of school, especially since it has only been about… a month of school? So that’s about 4 weeks, no? Well this was how my schedule was before I changed it recently…1|English 3 (not a bad class but the teacher is a bit… ermm I will explain later…)
2|(the real class name was too long so lets just say it’s a form of PE)
3|Algebra (stupid evil class…)
4|Geology (Boring… that’s all I need to say…)
5|Computer Graphics (this was the original choice I made but I changed it because it was WAY too easy.. I mean the people didn’t know how to open a program or even draw and make circles…. I am way more advanced than that…. My counselor said that I should take a college class >.>;; that says a lot.. )
6| US History (err… well it’s not really a bad class… hmm quite easy if you asked me…)

Okie so this was the original schedule I got. Now I will say how these classes really were…

*In English class it wasn’t really that boring because the teacher was actually quite funny and nice, we all thought that at least. He actually seems more like one of those teachers that want to be young again because they just cant stand being old or even thought of being old. The teacher actually looked quite young as well so no one would actually think of him old. What I didn’t like about him was that I was his first Joke Victim…. -.-;;; I don’t like being the victim of anything…. Now I have to practically sit in the front and take all his stupid idiotic jokes and just ignore them or something, I seem to get the attention but when I volunteer for something he ignores me… -.-;;; well that’s practically all about my English class, moving on to the next class…

*PE, well I hate PE to begin with… I feel that since I am a junior, I shouldn’t have to take freaking PE all over again… Just because the idiots at my new school cant find my freaking records from my old school and add the stupid credits to my records at my new school and count them for my classes doesn’t mean I should take Freaking PE for a third year!! I mean I have to just take it for two years… and this is the third… I WANT A FREAKING BREAK…… I mean geez at least give me some other stupid class that counts for PE, anything but PE itself… my god… I hate these freaking idiots at my new school, they haven’t done a damn thing to help me and fix my records so I can be a full junior, and I find the fact that they reclassify you very very stupid!!! I mean what kind of idiot would want to run a school where they reclassify their students??? There is no way in hell I am going to take another freaking year or two of HS just because the idiots wont fix my freaking records!!!!!!! **sigh…** -.-;;;;; I hope they all die or something… my god… if they don’t know how to do their own job, why are they even there?!?! Nyo… moving on to the next class…

*Algebra, eh? This stupidly easy class… geez wont they give me a challenge already??? -.-;;; I feel like a damn idiot to be in this freaking class…. And once again I blame the stupid advisors of this school for not counting my freaking credits… [at the advisor people at my new school] -.o;;; you stupid idiots….How dare you mess with my credits and records, I’m gonna graduate next year whether you like it or not, and if you say otherwise I’m gonna mutilate your bodies with my sword and throw your remaining pieces to the rabid dogs down the freaking street!! What do you think of that you freaking morons?!?!? [Ah, I feel better saying that ^.^!] Besides all that there is this stupid lil kid that sits next to me, keeps staring… must burn child… evil… **shudders** I don’t care if he claims to have a g/f I don’t believe him -.o;; that lil idiot cant fool me, I have seen and heard many things in my life and that is one thing I shall not be fooled by, especially with that stupid face he keeps making… well im glad Mari wants to kill him, good for her and good for him, he finally gets to go home where he belongs -.-;; geez stupid annoying children…. Next class…

*Geology… now that’s a very freaky class, especially since the teacher likes to complain about his life each day… -.o;; I mean I have enough problems and I am burdened with this idiots complaining… I mean really, how many of you like it when a teacher complains about the most stupidest things… Like how the door hasn’t been fixed in a year? Or about how their phone doesn’t work and they want their original number and can’t have it? Oh or how about the fact that they were forced to change classrooms with another teacher and they can’t take their things with them? It is so boring and gets on my nerves… but that’s not the only bad thing in that class… there are several people in that class that scare me as well, and they are drug attics… They are freaky and I believe one likes me or something X.x;; and he’s older than me… and that’s even worse… I heard he rapes the girls he likes, so I am not amused nor is it appealing… besides I would not be stupid enough to fall into such a trap. Anyways, other than those bad things this class is pretty easy even though I missed the first test which is like 40% of my grade -.-;;; I was absent what can I say? I think I cant retake tests in this class which is so stupid…. Moving on…

*Computer Graphics… my god this class was BORING! I cant believe I actually thought I would learn something more than I already know… -.-;; people who cant make circles… I thought that was learned in kindergarten -.o;;; Well anyways I changed that class because it was so below my ability.. I need to take college classes to get an actual challenge -.-;;; this is pathetic… ah well new class I took is Choir, like always ^.^;; ooh I love to sing!

**Choir, well that’s not a bad class at all.. we sing… watch movies… and listen to the radio and do nothing for the hour. It seems more like a break to me ^.^;; exactly what I need after a hard day of school with those evil morons I have to put up with.. -.-;;; Hmm well I’m glad I changed that class (computer graphics) for this one ^.^! next class.. (and the last one)

*US history… hmm well its pretty easy for me ^.^;; the class earns points and you get to turn in drawings and stuff… mainly not a lot of work at all, good thing for me since I don’t like having a hard class last period x.x;; it really kills me when I do… ah but I haven’t had a hard class as last period for years! So I am happy about that! The teacher is kinda funny and he tries to fit into the crowd.. or more like our crowd and hes like… umm 60 something? I dunno x.x;;

Hmm well that’s a brief summery of each class ^.^;; now I shall get on with my day.. hmm or rather night.. or something like that! X.x;; hmm as everyone (or most people) knows, I have crazy friends ^.^;; todays crazy friend spot light goes to my friend Mari for making a new funny song and she’s gonna sing it to Bill, the senior in my geology class that likes me…(I find it funny that his real name is “William Gay” XD) The song is based on the Original song “Buddy Holly” and has some of our teachers names in it (the Mr. Weezer part was a accident, our teachers real name is Mr. Weaver but Mari said Weezer ^.^;; ) Here is a part of the song ^.^;; [the “…” is skipping through the song]

“What are you doing dissing my Hope, she doesn’t care about you…Woo whooo and she ain’t yours, Woo Whooo and you know you aren’t hers! Laaa laa wee doo doo!… Weeooh I look just like Mr. Weezer, Oh Oh and Mr. Burgess too! She don’t care what you say about her anyways, she don’t care about swipe!”

Lol… she was singing that for like ever today… Ah, but then again, aren’t we all weird sometimes? ^.^;; I know I am… Other than that I have been singing “Tainted Love” all day today X.x;;… ah its just stuck in my head **continues singing it now** >.>;;; annnyywayyyss…. Moving on to the quizies I took ^.^!

I know about Raganrok. I know who will die and who will live but I can't tell you. I will never tell you. And that's the way it is.
Charin.
First and only priority: Keeping the rules.
Take the male version of this quiz or you can visit
Ellie @ buriedwings.wollipop.net

Which female character from Ragnarok are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmm this one doesn’t bother me much besides lol most of the quizzes I do are accurate! Which is scary >.>;;

Lucifer
Lucifer: Angel of the starlight, you are often
confused with being evil in your quiet
contemplations… Underneath it all you are
actually the most beautiful angel of all, and
God likes u more… the others are just
jealous. What do they know anyways.

Which Angel Lays Within You?
brought to you by Quizilla

woo… lookie that >.>;;; lol… and all my life I was told people were jealous of meh… ah I wont get started ^.^;;;

you are yue
You are like Yue serious and tough you have an
alter ego; deep down you are very nice and care
for others however you *may* think it’s only
weak to show that side to others! don’t worry
not everyone is bad ^_^

Which Card Captor Sakura guardian are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yue!!! I like Yue! I had a feeling I was gonna get him too >.>;;; lol scary…

*~The Rising of the End~*

Hmm, well one thing I didn’t mention was that the stupid people in each of my classes are getting worse… or more stupider in other words… for instance, in my Algebra class, the lil Freshman.. his name is Randy…. -.-;;; hes making my best friend Randy look bad… (AkA Icy) Randy!! Your name has been tainted with stupidity from the freshman!! X.x;; Gomennasai! I feel bad about that! Nyo I swear his name should be Dandy or something because Candy is another one of my friends -.-;; lol what if his name was Mandy? Or how about Pandy? Hehe some people call him Wandy! XD… ah okie enough of that…
Well lately I haven’t been really feeling like myself -.-;; I have been sad and depressed but many don’t really know why, sometimes I don’t even know why I feel this way… but I guess I really do need time to myself. But I do thank all of you who cheered me up like, Hiro, Kairi, Kin, AznDemonLord (AkA “Griever”), Imoto Cassie, Ebe-Oppa, and like always, Keoki-Chan (James) I thank you all! Nyo I just love you all so much ^.^! >.>;; weird people, don’t get any ideas or weird thoughts… -.-;;; nyo well its about that time again! Time for me to leave! T.T;; **sniffles** I miss you all **waves and wishes she could huggle you all** Sayonara Minna-San! Oyasuminasai! **with a few tears left behind she disappears within the thin air and the sparkles of her tears are left as her image fades…**

Posted 9/23/2003 9:37 PM

Lair of Memories – Archived Post August 27, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Wednesday, August 27, 2003
*~Time for a change…~*

I decided to change my Xanga a bit, i like this song ^.^! and i like the new BG i put up… ah, i have my way in finding things…. Kairi always asks me where i find all this stuff from, in truth i just come across everything unexpectedly… Ah, also this new theme is supposed to be getting ready for Fall/Winter, i may have a new BG and song for winter but for now this is what its gonna be…. ^.^! I am quite happy at the moment for i have found what i have been looking for, for months…. Ah, lost and then found… In truth i had been feeling as though something very importaint was missing from my life for a while… I believe it was ever since like March… i cant really remember well… errm lately i have been having a bad memory… -.-;;; it upsets me a bit since i always had such a good memory and i never had any problems at all with remembering anything recent or from the past… But anyways, if i forgot something and you remember, please remind me @.@;;; all i need is to forget more.. I practically remember the basic things i need to know… hmm i still have not put my post on my birthday have i? well i shall explain that briefly since i lost my last post x.x;;; i am still afraid of loosing a long post again… therefore i shall try to keep it simple and clean ^.^;;; ah, well let me see here… shall we begin?

*~Birthday, Real birthday and the Party..~*

Well August 4th was my birthday if you didnt know already… That day… well.. First of all my best friend called me to tell me she was visiting me on my birthday and spending the day with me rather than comming to my birthday party since her Aunt made her go to some church retreat the weekend of my birthday (which happend to be on Saturday the 9th) Well she called and told me when she was heading over to my house to visit… Errmm my birthday wasnt so nice in that in-between time, let me explain… My dad had already planned to buy me several things i had been asking for Such as, My Sword (yes i have a sword ^.^;; lol and ima whack N Hack things wit it! XD!!), My Digital Camera, and my Cell Phone… We had been traveling around to find the best deals on the Cell Phone and Digital Camera while i already made payments on my Sword, my dad just paid it off… My dad also took me out to breakfast at a resturant i had not been to for a while (my mother came as well) Errm there was a bit of arguing on the way to the different places we went to since my parents really dont get along… and all i wanted was some peace on my birthday i couldent even get that… x.x;;; that is like so sad anyways… Well moving on… After breakfast we purchased the items i mentioned (since we looked first) Once that was over i just had to wait for my friends phone call, Since it was getting very close to the time she wished to visit me.. i kinda got a bit scared because i thought she was gonna be waiting at my house for me, and in my opinion that is very rude… x.x;; and i dont like being rude! thats for sure…. After a while my friend finally called, i thought she was gonna call when i was busy but she actually notified me at a good time, as usual ^.^;;; We had made it home before she reached my house and once we made it home my parents began fighting again… many unmentionable things i dont wish to say, but if you want to know ask me in your own time… My friend had made it and her aunt actually stayed as well…. which kinda freaked me out since my best friends aunt and my mom were getting along X.x;; now me and her know how freaky that is but i dont think many others know… ah… yes but at least she got to stay for a long amount of time compaired to the other times she stayed over for a limited time, usually about 1-2 hours, which really was not fair to me… but at least this time she got to stay about 5-7 hours with me ^.^! i guess my mom and her aunt had alot to talk about… which is also kinda scary… i didnt think they would get along.. they are the kind of type that you would expect to be lashing out at eachother… @.@:; now i wouldent want to be breaking up that fight if it ever occured… Well anyways moving on… I talked to my best friend and we watched some of the anime i had ^.^ thats pretty much all we did durring that time, she also gave me a gift, a nice purse/bag, stationary, and some baked goods (mmm mai fave, and im not telling you what it was because some people actually go out to buy this stuff for me when they know i dont want them spending money on meh -.o;;; ) Ah, after she left it was quite peaceful again… at least thats what i thought since i locked myself in my room >.>;;; that was practically my birthday right there… now i shall tell you the party…. **takes a deep breath…**

-Party-

I kinda woke up late that day…Party started at around 3:30 PM and i woke up around 12 PM… not a good start on my day x.x;; plus i woke up to arguing again… -.-;; **sigh** well anyways, my dad was installing my AC in my room so me and my friends would be comfortable in my room during the party, especially since that day was pretty hot x.x;; I give my dad credit for doing something like that espcially since he wanted that AC in his room… Well by the time it was 3:00 PM i was fully ready for my party, all i had to do was wait for my guests to arrive… Hmm about…4 out of 8 people showed up at the party, and i was disapointed as usual… That also includes family… one group of my family didnt show up at all, and three friends that were invited didnt show either, besides my best friend that is… The first to arrive were my moms friend Lilla and her family… Kaila… omg she never gets on my nerves but she is 5 years old right now and at my party… that doesnt really mix well…. her brother was more well behaved and he is like only 2 i think…. I shall get to what she did in a minute… The next to arrive were my two friends Kaitlin and Jenna, those two always got along together because me and them always hung out at school, that is when i used to go to Gabrelino… Well, what happened was Kaila decided that she could rule everything at this party, so she began attacking my friends by throwing balloons at them… and errm she actually was not just annoying them but hurting them too… Kaila kind of messed up some of Jenna’s Drawings and Jenna was trying so hard to hold back her anger… Kaitlin on the other hand was being jumped on and draged around… i seriously think it was horrible… she didnt do anything to me though… at least not yet…. After this went on for a while my mom came in my room and told us that the food was ready, so we all decided to get some food and some drinks and bring it back to my room… The annoyance has just begun… Once me and my friends made it back to my room they asked me if i would play a game of mine and they would watch me as i play, i agreed and set up stuff, and obviously my games are not fit for a child to play in the first place but what happens? Kaila comes in and trys taking my controller away saying she wants to play the game too, when i told her about 5 times that its a one player game and i was gonna save it so she could play a different game that i was sure her mother would allow her to play…once i finally was able to save after almost dying because of the rough handling on my controller, i put the other game on for her, she was not amused until my friends decided they wanted to play the game as well, then she became bratty and wanted to play the game for herself. Well i hooked up the second conrtoller for her so she could play 2 player mode with my friends… she was obviously loosing and i was getting quite annoyed with it but my friends and i made a lil lie for her, saying every time someone won (which always happened to be my friends and me) it would be her winning… When my friends were “playing agenst” her she would allow them to play, but when i was “playing agenst” her she wanted my controller saying it was easier when I was playing the HARD levels and trying to make her understand that…. -.-;;; it got annoying after a while and she began to make a fit about it so i put the games away…. Thats when i decided i wanted to watch my Anime DVD’s with my friends, and they are not suitable for children that are 5 years old… so i tried to make Kaila understand that so she would leave, but that didnt make her understand.. I mean obviously her mother wouldent want her watching such anime with me and my friends, i mean dude… they cuss.. and they fight, and stuff like that X.x;; geez i dont wanna get blamed for anything and Kaila comes out with “Oh but my mom would let me i know she would…” When i know darn well her mom wouldent let her watch Anime period since its not ment for children anyways!! I mean come on a 5 year old watching Chobits…??? or how about Hand Maid May??? im sure they are gonna have alot of questions… and i dont wanna answer them….-.o;;;;; Hmm well it got to the point where she wouldent leave and she began spinning around on my computer chair… causing her to knock over my soda, which i WANTED to drink still… the soda spilled on my desk and went under my monitor and everything….. @.@;;; Children like her are so careless… and to tell you the truth i dont think i know any other 5 year old child that is as careless as her… i mean i like her but shes become quite annoying and to me i think she needs to be house broken big time X.x;; i told her to leave my things alone in a nice way multiple times and she could have hurt herself and broke my glass stuff or banged her head on something since my room is a bit small… **sigh** but does she listen to me?… no… -.o;;; But after she spilled my soda she left my room finally…and me and my friends were able to watch my Anime DVD’s… untill my mom came in my room about 10 minutes later telling us to go outside -.-;;;; Ah, outside was just the guests and music was playing and regular party stuff blah blah blah… Sang Happy Birthday to me and cut the cake and stuff **sighs** after about a hours worth of staying outside i went back inside because People were asking me about my presents… So i was gonna open them, when i went inside there was Kaila again, bugging me, and this time she wanted to open my presents for me… i obviously had no power to stop her since all the adults and everyone was there watching…… they thought it was cute that she was rushing me when i thought it was rude…. **sighs** she grabbed my presents and opened them herself throwing the random objects within the wrappings at me that didnt interest her…. Weeellll they arent suppost to interest a 5 year old if its presents for a 16 year old -.-;;; i had gotten a nice stationary set and stuff from my Aunt, and from my moms friend i got candles and a new photo album which i love ^.^! my grandmother gave me jewlery and expensive perfume -.o;;;;; the word expensive gets to me…..my other aunt gave me money, my friend Kaitlin is sending me my present now (she asked me if i wanted a game for my birthday and stuff she said she was gonna send it to me after) and my friend Jenna gave me money as well ^.^;; she also finished the nice picture she was drawing for me and made me a card as well. ^.^! it was so pretty too. Well after that event most of the people began going home, my friends stayed after all the other guests left. We began watching my Anime DVD’s again and in peace as well… we were still a bit Hungry since we hardly ate much durring the party so i made some soup for all of us ^.^;;; My friends had went home about 12 AM and i decided to clean my room a bit before i went to bed, talked to a few people online and then i slept, yep that was my party day… doesnt it seem like the annoyances wouldent end? Well thats what i thought…

*~Back to reality, from my Dreams..~*

Well thats the story from my birthday… after that a bunch of other stuff happened but if you want to know that you will also have to ask me on your own time ^.^;; i dont really like explaining too much of the bad things that happen in my life… ^.^ Also… school is starting in about a week for me… X.x;; which is like evil…. School… is one thing that i can live with out… just hate it alot.. too many bad things happen there and i end up learning nothing by the end of the year… its like a waste of time -.o;;;; oh well.. i still need to go so i can graduate… **sigh**  ^.^;;; Nyo, let me see have i taken any new quizzes?

DEMON
DEMON

(females)what is one of your past lives? (results contain pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

Dunno, how could i be a Demon in a past life? uhmm oh well…

Loney
lonely

What is your reason for suicide?(with images)
brought to you by Quizilla

Okie.. i admit that i am lonely alot of the time….**sigh** i truely cant help it though…..

Priestess
Preistess/Preist

What is your anime occupation? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

And i get a Preistess again! ^.^;;; Ah, thats not so bad anyways…

Cooking
Cooking

What is your strong point?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmm, i thought i had more strong points… eeheh thats one of them.. i have more >.>;;;

Suicidal Bitch. You are often alone. But sometimes you like it that way. It's your way of protecting yourself from getting hurt. STOP THAT! You are giving yourself unneeded pain and grief
SUICIDAL BITCH You are a depressed child. You need some laughter in your life. Why, you ask? Cause that frown don’t look good on you, hun!
(results contain pictures) What type of bitch are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Was bored when i took this quiz.. lol look im a suicidal bitch… X.x;;; im suicidal again!!
and yesh… i know i am a depressed child… **sigh** im always depressed… make me happy sometime… please?

depressed eyes
DEPRESSED EYES

What kind of anime eyes do you have? (picture results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Obviously if i am depressed i should have depressed eyes, nyo? makes sence….

waste time
Time-Waster

Are you wasting your time?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

YES!!! I ACOMPLISHED SOMETHING IN MY LIFE!! I AM……**dramatic pause** A TIME WASTER!!!! XD!

DramaLife
Drama

What anime genre is your life?(pics)
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Yes, i agree with this, and many people i know would agree with this as well… I have a pretty dramatic life as it is… i already heard someone say to me that it could be like a shoujo >.>;;; nyeh… strange… oh well…

*~The beginning of the end..~*

Ah yes, its about that time where i need to leave and i make you wait for me to write another long post for you to spend hours reading so you can understand! Ah, really i just need to go to sleep… thats all ^.^;;;; okie then, Oyasuminasai Minna-san!! Sayonara!! **she disapears in a small flash of light**

Posted 8/27/2003 4:19 AM

Lair of Memories – Archived Post July 29, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Tuesday, July 29, 2003
*~Missing, Something’s Missing…~*

Hmm… well for one its pretty darn early @.@;; about 2:06 AM… >.>;; well let me see here, i was recently reminded, by an old friend, about someone from my past… They still haven’t gotten back to me yet but i really hope that they do, and very soon… u.u;;
It also rained last night which is a miracle because i wished it to rain before hand… i wished it to rain around the time of my birthday ^.^ … it just leaves a mystery in the weather again…. Heh some people already said that i can control the weather and make it respond to me O.o;; lol.. i really am unsure about that, but the thought of it is pretty cool, teehehe…

As it gets closer to my birthday more surprises come, though i am not feeling so good again X.x;;
I really didn’t care for a party or anything of the sort for my birthday because i always become disapointed at the fact that hardly anyone shows up, and i usually invite my close friends too. After arguing with my mother about that she still didn’t seem to give up, its like a mini war between me and her, but its just because i am agenst something for me and she is for it… X.x;; okie i have to admit it is pretty weird and funny that this would happen… After things seemed to be fine about the situation (we were fighting about this for a couple months but when the time drew closer it seemed to get a bit worse..) I started noticing little things here and there, like my mother buying little party things and stuff, I left it alone and tried to pretend i didn’t notice but she really wouldent let up…The thing that really got me was that I recently found out that my mother stole my phone book, My OLD phone book that contains phone numbers from old friends… Which isn’t exactly good for the fact that some of those friends i don’t even talk to anymore because they decided it was funner to Hate/dislike me than be nice and stuff to me. Well she stole my phone book and called up various people (and people were also rude to her as well… which i think is something she should think about before she decides to steal something of mine…) Few people were nice to her out of that phone book and besides… its old… people change their numbers, and so there wasn’t many people that still had those numbers… Well she got through to a few of my Really Good Friends…. which is alright, i guess…. she even had gotten some invitations and sent them to a couple of people (mainly my best friends, which is a relief since i won’t have to bother with some sort of conflict between me and people who don’t like to recieve things from me >.>;; )
The only thing that makes me wonder is how she was able to get all that stuff and hide it from me for a bit…. hmmm must have been those times she stood out late and frequently left the house visiting my grandmother… Ah well..

I must fix up a few things here and there and do a few good deads for various reasons ^.^ but i cant tell you anything about this stuff because yeah… im just a big mystery XD!! ook that was a bit weird and crazy, but hey thats why you all just looooooveee me so much nyo? XD! ^.^! okie…Time for me to go ^.^! Sayonara Minna-san!

Posted 7/29/2003 2:05 AM

Lair of Memories – Archived Post July 20, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Sunday, July 20, 2003
*~Surprise!~*

I can’t beleive it actually is like almost the end of July, Time went by soooo fast @.@;; it’s mind boggling. My Birthday is in a couple weeks now, and to think, it was just like yesterday when i thought it was about 6 months before my birthday, time goes by so fast when you are enjoying yourself. It’s just like  when you are 6 years old and you think “i can’t wait till i am like 17 years old because i know it’s going to be fun..” but when that time comes, you wish you could turn back and enjoy your childhood a bit more. Find things you weren’t able to find as a child, but i guess thats just the way life is… I’m sure we all have felt this way, it’s just surprising to me that i am another year older and i actually feel different than before, not that i am being treated differently but my personality, myself, me, everything inside of me is telling me that something is different. Not that anyone else would understand what i mean right away, and to tell you the truth it’s pretty hard to explain. Ah, instead of rambling on about all this lets move on to other things…

I am actually glad people are recognizing me, Im just so happy to know who cares about me, who would cry if i was in pain, who would smile and be cheerful when i am happy, who would be moved and feel down when i am sad, who will just act crazy when the time is needed for comfort… so many things, qualities, and actions. I just love all my friends for that, even my enemies taught me something (though really i don’t look at anyone as an “enemy” but as a person that is hard to become good friends with) if it wasn’t for them i never would have had the taste of the real world, and i thank them for all they did, even if it was negative, i learned something from it and life lessons are importaint, i love them all too. Even though my family was pretty screwed up and everything that happend in it was pretty bad (not many good things came out of my family) i still thank them for what they did, like i said, life lessons teach us things that get us ready for the “real world”.

Hmm, events? well lets see here… there are not many events to speak about, so far the only event i see in the near future is my Birthday, but we all know how thats gonna turn out… right?
**thwacks herself** yeah… you are right, i shoulden’t be thinking negatively at a time like this, after all I AM gonna be 16 years old, thats pretty big, nyo?

Ok well thats all i have to say for now! Sayonara Minna-San!

Posted 7/20/2003 11:22 PM

Lair of Memories – Archived Post July 15, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Tuesday, July 15, 2003
*~Illusions can become real~*

Finding old friends yet trying to understand my confusion, Lately i have been meeting up with old friends. I could say they are people from my past, I can also say they are special people who changed my life. I still remember them, and alot of things about them, which actually surprises them. Good things or Bad, When i search for a bad part in my past i find good and when i am searching for the good i find nothing but the bad. Talk about oposites… But still finding old friends and meeting many new ones i wish to keep, and know as long as my older friends and longer, is a good thing in my life. I’m glad things are starting to look good but theres still those little small things that turn out bad.

Hmm whats today, the 15th of July? Seems like the summer is going by fast… about 20 more days till my birthday. A couple of people (actually quite a few >.>;; ) are looking forward to my birthday. Which is a big shock for me since no one really cared whether i was happy much or not.
I always cared for others even if they hate me, i still wish there was a chance that me and grace could get to know eachother better… i never hated her but she seems to enjoy trying to get on my nerves. Which to tell the truth isn’t working, we have our distances and our differences but i still care for her. If i found out she was having problems i would try to help her, if she would allow me to. I doubt we will get far in a friendship since the beginning was a bit off course… well i guess i can’t cry over something that wasn’t ment to be, i should just move on.

Kairi and her “crazy eyes” thing XD… yeah… font skimming yesterday, pretty funny, making me feel a bit better about things. Laughter is good as a base healing. Other than hearing more problems from distant (yet so close) friends, I am trying to deal with my own. And if i need help this time i won’t leave out my friends and scare them half to death just because i want to be independent @.@;; won’t do it again, people get pushy after stuff like that…

Icy come baccckkk @.@;; i don’t want it to be another 6 months before we speak to one another online again… that was sad. I thought we weren’t ever gonna be able to talk again x.x;; So please return soon, bug your brother about fixing your computer instead of being the annoying lazy person you mentioned he was. Ah, i don’t think hes really that bad but i really don’t know him so i can’t exactly say anything about it ^.^;; Well anyways just come back soon… i miss you… T.T;;

For all my friends i thank you all once more for all your support. Especially now since of all that has happened, we still are all close and not distant, lets all stay that way. Being apart for a long time is rough, let us all not separate again… Alright then everyone, it’s about time i wraped this up, Sayonara Minna-san!!

Posted 7/15/2003 5:43 PM

Lair of Memories – Archived Post July 14, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Monday, July 14, 2003
*~In My Return~*

Im Back ^.^!
I am back and i finally changed a few things and added a couple things here and there. I have a new Background and i changed the colors, i also have a counter at the bottom of the page. I also finally made a title of my Xanga site and i am working on more. So far i think it actually turned out nice ^.^!

Well i have been feeling a bit better since i got out of the hospital, It was horrible there, i felt lonely and sad because no one was able to visit me… i was mainly alone and when i wanted help not many people were there to help me, other than the nurses, though i don’t like them much because they always came just to take blood. I was anemic and they take alot of blood, thats nice ¬.¬;; …though there were a couple nurses that actually were quite nice and i enjoyed their company. I just wish my friends were there with me though.

Other than the hospital i have been trying to get back on track, though it is very hard… My birthday is comming very quickly and i don’t really know what i am going to do about it… My mother is trying to plan a party for me, but we all know that might not turn out all perfect like she wants… right? Ah, i dunno… every time i have a party or something and i try to invite friends usually only a couple show up and the rest try to think up excuses not to come… a few times i had caught people that said they were going on vacation, at home the day before my birthday or even on it. They just didn’t want to come and i am disapointed in them, i truely woulden’t have minded if they said they didn’t want to come because they had “better” things to do, which i cannot blame them for because sometimes we do have things we need to do. They didn’t wish me anything, just stood home being happy. I guess some people aren’t really what they seem…

Well i just hope nothing drastic happens, i don’t want to be all depressed around that time. Enough things have happened, good or bad, but really mostly bad. The good things just turned bad, so what can i do about that, the past is the past. Well it just makes me wonder if i deserve to have a birthday once more… im just not ment to be here, at least thats what i think. Would anyone have anything to say agenst that? I truely don’t know… Hopefully something grand will happen in time, something that will make me smile once more… Until then i just wonder why i still exist here in this world since nothing good actually ever happened and stayed with me for a long time. After all…we are dust in the wind. All our thoughts and dreams crumble and turn into dust sometimes, but theres always that moment of bliss that makes it all better, that mends that crushed dream or thought or desire. Life is like a game that confuses everyone, but then again life shoulden’t be played around with because truthfully it is not a game, no one can exactly win nor loose… it’s just things happen by how your actions are taken and also sometimes by chance. We all need help once in a while, i take the time to thank all of those who helped me. Thank you everyone! i truely hope that good comes your way and i will be there by all of you whether it’s in person or within you. I’m always going to be there, in your heart.

Well i believe i said alot here, i tried to express what i could, it is time for me to leave once more, though i won’t forget what good has actually come for me, for that is my inspiration and happiness in many things.
Sayonara minna-san, until our paths meet once more, i shall be here waiting to see you all again.

Posted 7/14/2003 1:30 AM

Lair of Memories – Archived Post June 27, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Friday, June 27, 2003
Personal~

Well here i am once again, I am glad I got the chance to talk to my old friend “Icy”.

Domo arigatou gosaimazu Icy! You have done so much for me in the past and present. You are one of the friends i will always cherish and remember.  I just wish that we talked more often, it seems kind of sad that most of the time we only get to talk at least once every two months. I dont mind though, as long as we can stay in touch i am happy.

Kairi and everyone else i thank as well, they make me laugh all the time when i am feeling a bit down,  i am glad i met them all,
Kraz you are a BAKA!! -.-;;

Cassie, i am glad we are still talking, its quite sad that jennifer would be acting that way just because shes a bit jealous. I really  cannot understand why she would be jealous of our friendship, maybe its because you consider me your  Oone-Chan and i consider you my Imoto.. though really i still don’t consider that an excuse to be jealous…

Today, nothing exciting, just the same old same old. Usually nothing happens for me, no surprises or anything special. Im usually no where. So i guess i shall wait until something special arives for me. I just know some thing is going to come soon, i can feel it.

Thats pretty much all i have to say for now, Sayonara Minna-San…

Posted 6/27/2003 11:20 PM

Lair of Memories – Archived Post June 22, 2003

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Sunday, June 22, 2003
though i thought it was the end, it actually is just the beginning @.@ summer school is evil… and i thought i could just have a bit more vacation but nooooo stupid summer school comes in… I hate it, i wish i had a summer vacation without worrying about school or anything of the sort -.-;; school just gets me down… **lays on the floor** @.@

Kairi you are too much ^.^;; lol XD we have to go to the mall sometime! that would be fun, free myself from the invisable prison i am confined in, x.x! Well i am sure more weird things will happen to ammuse us XD yeah… just been a few days and we are just getting started XD!!

Cassie… Yoooouuuu must coooommmmmeee bacckkkkk!! evil aunt is keeping you far away, its just not right… i shall have to do something about this… >.>;;; **walks away as she takes her sword with her**

Jenna, you are crazy! taking on people like that XD! ah but thats why we like you, cause you are crazy and aggressive. I should get you a weapon sometime >.>;; XD yeah that’ll be the day! till then, use your hands and attitude to beat everyone down, you are doing good with that! ^.^

Ohh i am so emotional around my older friends, i just miss them so much! T.T although other than that i finally realized how gullible i actually am @.@ this is so sad… “certain” people like to use that agenst me X.x;;… aiee, they shall have their pay back soon enough.

Darn its so cold **shivers** and its sopost to be summer, @.@ ah well… Things arent always what they seem ^.^;; which reminds me of something… **looks around and walks off**

Many thanks to everyone, my old friends and new! Aww i just love you all! you all make my day ^.^ (PS kairi… dont think weird things, that statement was just…. it was not ment to be told to people like Dev or Cloud @.@…**looks around** ah…im scared now x.x;;;….)

Alright then, Ja Ne!! ^.^ **waves and walks away**

Posted 6/22/2003 4:46 PM