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Lair of Memories – Archived Post March 7, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
Friday, March 07, 2003
i come here to refresh my mind, to try and help me forget things that were and are too painful to think of but what does it matter anymore? i mean if people couldent care less if i died then whats the use of living such a life any longer??…. What am i here for? why in the hell am i being crushed by something that once was positive in my life? well to tell the truth, its more than one… I just really cant take this anymore and i dont want to… my wishes and desires dont matter anylonger so why in the hell do i even ask when i know for a fact the answer is going to be “no” every time no matter who i may ask.  Psh who gives a damn if i live or not anyways, i dont care much anymore. I am not even sure if i am upset or sad… i dont even want to know cause im already dying, so what of it?….. if all thats the case let me die in a secret place on my own because i deserve every bit of it, i guess my place wasnt here after all. I just want to go…i want to leave…soon… now… my life has already been screwed up starting with my parents and family, what more do i need when other people i care about make the same mistakes as they did? Just slaughter me already if thats how you feel! go ahead im allowing you…. i wont fight anyone about it… i dont want to argue anymore…i just want to feel painless, so give me extreme pain so i wont feel anymore, because im already hurting inside more than i ever could imagine. I havent realized many things until now, and i dont want to go deeper into it because all i know is that it will hurt me more. Do something if you can because i have fallen many times and no one helped me up but myself… go ahead do your worse because i wont fight any of you no longer, my emotions, pain, and my mind all mixed together. My thoughts are now corrupted. Do something quick before something bad happens….. but i doubt anything or anyone will because everyone could care less, and i dont blame you… go ahead, but be honest about it. Dont leave me here because you just want me to shut the hell up, leave me here for a better reason….i guess i really am better off on my own, because everytime something happens that is positive, somehow, someway… it becomes negative…. I truely am sorry for bringing some of you down, but dont blame yourselves now… because i guess it really is all my fault… Although it doesnt matter much now… its already been too late i should have took action before but i was so messed up so i couldent help it, if what happened to me happened to you i bet you would go through pretty much the same thing… i wouldent blame you though, its a pretty hard life no matter who you are, but right now i need to think about what has happened and what may happen, all i know is that i have to be ready, to be prepared for what might take place…

And no, talking isnt all i can do….. i can do more thank you very much… just give me the chance to and believe in me… then anything can be done from there, but always you are going to need help, no one can do everything on their own…till next time…if there even is one….Sayonara…..  -.-

Posted 3/7/2003 9:03 AM – 19 Views


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