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Lair of Memories – Archived Post July 14, 2003

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Monday, July 14, 2003
*~In My Return~*

Im Back ^.^!
I am back and i finally changed a few things and added a couple things here and there. I have a new Background and i changed the colors, i also have a counter at the bottom of the page. I also finally made a title of my Xanga site and i am working on more. So far i think it actually turned out nice ^.^!

Well i have been feeling a bit better since i got out of the hospital, It was horrible there, i felt lonely and sad because no one was able to visit me… i was mainly alone and when i wanted help not many people were there to help me, other than the nurses, though i don’t like them much because they always came just to take blood. I was anemic and they take alot of blood, thats nice ¬.¬;; …though there were a couple nurses that actually were quite nice and i enjoyed their company. I just wish my friends were there with me though.

Other than the hospital i have been trying to get back on track, though it is very hard… My birthday is comming very quickly and i don’t really know what i am going to do about it… My mother is trying to plan a party for me, but we all know that might not turn out all perfect like she wants… right? Ah, i dunno… every time i have a party or something and i try to invite friends usually only a couple show up and the rest try to think up excuses not to come… a few times i had caught people that said they were going on vacation, at home the day before my birthday or even on it. They just didn’t want to come and i am disapointed in them, i truely woulden’t have minded if they said they didn’t want to come because they had “better” things to do, which i cannot blame them for because sometimes we do have things we need to do. They didn’t wish me anything, just stood home being happy. I guess some people aren’t really what they seem…

Well i just hope nothing drastic happens, i don’t want to be all depressed around that time. Enough things have happened, good or bad, but really mostly bad. The good things just turned bad, so what can i do about that, the past is the past. Well it just makes me wonder if i deserve to have a birthday once more… im just not ment to be here, at least thats what i think. Would anyone have anything to say agenst that? I truely don’t know… Hopefully something grand will happen in time, something that will make me smile once more… Until then i just wonder why i still exist here in this world since nothing good actually ever happened and stayed with me for a long time. After all…we are dust in the wind. All our thoughts and dreams crumble and turn into dust sometimes, but theres always that moment of bliss that makes it all better, that mends that crushed dream or thought or desire. Life is like a game that confuses everyone, but then again life shoulden’t be played around with because truthfully it is not a game, no one can exactly win nor loose… it’s just things happen by how your actions are taken and also sometimes by chance. We all need help once in a while, i take the time to thank all of those who helped me. Thank you everyone! i truely hope that good comes your way and i will be there by all of you whether it’s in person or within you. I’m always going to be there, in your heart.

Well i believe i said alot here, i tried to express what i could, it is time for me to leave once more, though i won’t forget what good has actually come for me, for that is my inspiration and happiness in many things.
Sayonara minna-san, until our paths meet once more, i shall be here waiting to see you all again.

Posted 7/14/2003 1:30 AM
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