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Lair of Memories – Archived Post July 20, 2005

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005
*~Crazy days, Crazy times, Crazy thoughts, Crazy Minds..~*
As much as i wish that many things were much more simpler and easy, i just guess some things are ment to be taken harder and drawn out longer in order for one single simple event to pass. Sure it may be so drawn out it hurts and causes suffering throughout the time but i must say, its amazing to think about it once more and say, “Wow, i can’t believe that it took this much to get this far to where i stand.” It’s quite true, sometimes its going to leave an ungrateful or regretful feeling but i can say that most of the time its a Grateful and Glad feeling.

I just hope that within time, this suffering i took in and held onto on my shoulders and mind.., This terror that haunts me or at least did at one time each night, This whole crazy world in which is hard and so cruel; that which made me fall appart and feel so useless too, The fact that i stand strongly through this thick and thin rule. This life in which i wasnt able to call my own, to control in my own possession. For once to see the happiness and truth to life itself, And not believe in the fact that death was ever the answer. Why is it wrong to die? because there will be suffering and pain left behind for someone else~ In my mind it’s a sin to hurt others whether it would be physically or emotionally and especially mentally, If one were to die that would kill people inside even though it may seem its ok its really not~

I love you Grandfather, With all my heart, i miss you, i wish that there was more time. Unfortunately there was not, was there a reason why you didn’t make it to your heart surgery in time? maybe so.. Call it ironic, but i just wish that i had one last chance to see him. It kills me inside, he was the one in which whose raised me, the first to hold me when i came into this world aside from my mother. The first to teach me my first lessons in life while living with a cousin of mine, whom in my mind felt like a brother to me. My grandfather taught me so much and learned so much as well. I just wish, but sometimes Wishes are not good enough. I just wish that life was softer and more gentle to me. If it isnt one thing its another, And as far back as i remember there is a reason for every event that occurs. I just guess in this one it means i should become more independant now, Become more of a woman, Because thats what my grandfather would have wanted. He always said i was going to grow up to be something special, something meaningful, someone who will change the world. Call it dramatic but i want to make him proud and i wanted him to believe that with all his heart, and in my prayers i will hope that my destiny down the line that i create for myself does help me go somewhere in my life.
Thank you, for your support, for your love, for you are the true meaning of “Family” to me, and always will be~
It saddens me that you wont be around for my 18th birthday, i wanted to show you how much i have grown up to be, to make you proud. But i guess.. you already were proud, and in that i am thankful for everything you brought into my life. You will not go on forgotten, i will always remember.. Always~

All thoughts within my world~
Crazy Days, Crazy Times, Crazy Thoughts, Crazy Minds;
In all my life, I had been believed in and trusted,
In all my life, I had hoped for something more,
Trust and worthwhile, Something that was the majority of my thoughts,
Not all of it will come pass as we all hoped.
All in which that i had once believed in,
It was those who stood by me to reasure me that it was truth,
I will never forget those times of remenisence,
For those are of which that mean to me the most.
Many times throughout my life i come across segmented thoughts,
If only life was not so hard and cruel as it seems,
I wish that suffering wasnt the majority of emotions,
I wished that life was softer to me.
Even now i have similar feelings but i can say more as of that now,
Though now that i am older it is a bit different,
And i want to grow and continue to from here and beyond.
I will take those lessons in which i were taught,
I will cherish the moments that came and that were in drought,
I will stand strong and continue to walk onward through my life,
I will do what is right and follow my heart within the guiding light.
In all this that i say to everyone now,
I thank you all and i hope my thoughts will travel far,
For the lessons i learned cannot be learned very easily,
But with others you trust it will come and go with less suffering.

Happy Birthday, within the next couple of weeks~
Happy Birthday indeed. I may feel nothing different but i do know one thing, That me becoming 18 will change almost everything.
Thank you, for those who believed and me and kept me alive. I will continue my walk on the long road of life, but i will not be alone. I will not shun people away now, i will not give in, I will stand strong and continue onward, with pairs of hands around me to help. This time around i think that i wont keep everything to myself. I think for once in my life, i will actually ask for help. <3~

Currently Watching: X – One (TV Series, Vol. 1) – With Series Box
Posted 7/20/2005 11:59 AM

” Hopey I’m so proud of u ^-^!!! I also believe ur thoughts and so u HAVE reached someone ^^ From ur writing, I call tell that u have grown up. U’ve learned more things and ur starting to understand y things r the way they r. Ur beginning to see some sunshine radiating thru the dark forest. Ur reaching out to it, not shedding it away because ur afraid of wat will happen when u reach it. “Why is it wrong to die? because there will be suffering and pain left behind for someone else,” I agree and I also hope that others will believe this too. There’s so many out there, depressed and alone in their problems. I hope they can see this, for it’ll help them move on. “He always said i was going to grow up to be something special, something meaningful, someone who will change the world.” U may not realize this but, u really r soemthing special and meaningful. Wat u say really does reach out to others and will inspire them to be something better. I say this because, u have inspired me Hope ^^ It is such heartfelt writings like this that reach out to me and build the confidence in me. Little by little, others will also turn toward and reach out to the iridescent light. With each of ur writings… u will slowly but surely start to change the world. I am blessed to have met someone like u ^^ ur a great friend and person. I’m sure ur grandpa’s VERY pround of u ^-^

Yours Truely,
Christie aka Kairi n.n-v

Posted 7/26/2005 2:43 AM by AzNWiNtErGrLkAiRi

Lair of Memories – Archived Post January 17, 2005

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Monday, January 17, 2005
*~The Purity Rises To Create Something New..~*Ok well i havent posted here for a while but i would like to say i FINALLY remade my personal website XP, if you wish to you can visit it here or click the little handy “Website” button. I just had to announce that XD.. And that i hope everyone is doing well right now, finals and exams and such should be happening or gonna happen soon ne? at least thats what i think, i wish you all luck ^^ <3
Posted 1/17/2005 7:29 PM
Sunday, January 23, 2005
*~Confusion Rises Beyond The Barrier..~*Meh im just a bit saddened right now or at this moment, maybe it will drift onward throughout the day too.. i dont really know.. ._.;; its not that nothing is going my way, its just that i wish certain things were a bit.. different. So much going on and so little time to actually do something about it which upsets me and saddens me all at once. Though i guess there isnt much we can do about it now is there? Mm.. i should go sleep to take it off my mind i guess, maybe? I really dont know, I mean im quite happy (or at least i should be) I guess sometimes im afraid of changes, but i also feel certain changes werent supposed to happen, that something could have been done to prevent them. But its hard to look back when you know you were looked to in the wrong when really, it wasnt your fault.. It was someone elses and the person who was taught to believe you were at fault doesnt change their views on it to even see the other side of things. I dont blame those kind of people; thats just the way they are really and there isnt much you can do because no one has the right to change someone or something for their own desire/personal prefrences or purposes. I just hope that all goes well and i dont want to bring upon some sort of chaos. But thats probably why everything happened the way it did as well. “Without chaos there would be no need for order”.. thats the way it goes. I have already realized this and its hard to accept it as well but seemingly i accept it almost easily. The chaos fire has spread its disaster and confusion, its destruction and fear, though what follows it is the path to take, the correct way to go, the learning process. Meh i just wish some of the things that happened where the chaos and drama was not needed or even called upon for didnt occur the way they did. Lots of loss and sadness along with confusion on why things happened.. Many of the things that occur unexpectedly and can be prevented happen out of jealousy or envy or hatred. Well something does need to build the presure there. I guess sometimes people get caught in the middle of a presure point and stop there confused and end up being a reason why that presure is there when they had nothing to do with it in the beginning. So hard to understand when it just happens but as time goes by it gets easier to seperate and decipher. *Sigh* well i guess that is basically my trail of thought so far, i wish you all a good morning and i will go and rest my mind for a bit more. Hopefully this thought will become lighter and less painful as it has been for my last moments of thinking of it. Thanks for listening to me and thanks for your time. After all time is precious and should be used wisely. I already learned all my lessons, i just hope all those people in my past learned theirs before its too late.. chaos spreads and the order follows, not the other way around…
Posted 1/23/2005 4:38 AM

Lair of Memories – Archived Post January 1, 2005

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Xanga).
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Saturday, January 01, 2005
*~My Winter Wish~*-December 11th, 2004-
As much as i may have wanted before there are only a few things i really wanted since im quite satisfied with what i have. The top things on my list would be to go traveling, visit everyone i miss and care about and just give them my best, showing i remember them and that i care. Just enough on my mind to share, All my wishes are kinda selfless. I want everyone to be happy ^^.. thats my grand wish. Im glad im alive, that im still walking this earth. Thats all that matters after all. Through out this month i will add more to this post, Till then my one wish for now is to get as many feedback posts as i can for this one entree Until the new year ^^.. i will remember all that happened this year, the pains, the joys, the depression, the happiness… Everything. This will be my last post for the year (i will update it to current time and date each time i add something to this post, along with the orignal dates i wrote everything) this is my 14 days of christmas till the new year. ^^ Please leave a feedback with props for me, i will really apreciate it ^^! <3~ till next update..-December 17-
I had went to Disneyland with my mothers friends family this week, and it was quite fun really ^^ i was happy since i was able to take her family with us and it was their first time ever going to disneyland or any amusment park (im speaking of her children) We had a really fun time though it was very tireing, lol artificial snow, the fireworks were good too ^^ and to see their faces light up with joy (Kaila & Charlie) Was a nice feeling in my heart. Although my mother did lose about 60$ by accidently dropping it on the floor ^^;; we managed some how. (yeah things are like really expensive and stuff, we managed >.>;; ) When i got home it was about like.. 11 something i believe, and it so didnt seem like it ^^;; That day actually seemed pretty long now that i think about it xD;; mm But it was fun cause i went on the crazy rides, though i did feel like i was gonna fall out of one of them xD;; ah but still it was fun lol.

-December 24-
Well its already christmas eve! interesting xD;; i have a couple presents under the tree and gave stuff to our neighbors ^^ and they gave me things too i hope you all are enjoying your christmas too. To add to the fun i bring to you this link xD ~Clicku!~

-January 1-
Happy New Year Everyone <3~ (further writing on next newest post)

Posted 1/1/2005 1:15 AM
Saturday, January 01, 2005
*~A New Beginning, New Year~*A new year to start new events and new habits xP also to renew or start anew friendships and feelings towards family members. So many things to do within this new year full of fun, Excitment, Sadness, Horror, Comedy, Romance, and much more. No one knows what tomorrow will bring but all we can do is Hope its a good one ^^. No way to turn agenst the sadness or anger that may show, only to hope for the best onto the next day in which good things may be bestowed ^^ thats my thoughts to you and to end our old year and begin a New one. May my love and care reach out to you all and encourage you to do positive in your life ^^ *Huggles out to you all* <3~
Posted 1/1/2005 1:16 AM