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Where a Story Begins More Than Once January 15, 2011

Posted by Hope~Sama in Cafe Lounge.
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After Winters Chill, we hope for everlasting warmth

Currently:

Worried

It’s been a while since my last post, I have not Completely abandoned my little journal here but I did run through a lot of difficulties I must say.

Probably a lot more than I’d be willing to discuss but either way I would hope that things for me don’t change too drastically during this hard time.Other than randomly poking around the games I normally play I’ve grown to realize how busy life can get, especially when things are demanded of you. I suppose it can feel unfair from time to time but really we just have to kinda deal with it or try to at least.I’ve had my share of hardships this autumn and winter and I honestly wish things had changed for the better. Never had I once thought that they might change for the worst. I personally wish more of the “good” or “bright side” would show itself but.. I suppose it just isn’t time for that yet.

I would like to say though that I dearly miss all the things I cherished over the past few years, namely a top few things but its hard enough to even admit it. Granted it seems as though I could be around more often to settle things down.. I just really have to say its been very very hard. If you ever see this Rai, I want you to know that I really care a lot about you and do worry about you from time to time. Even though I know you are alright (despite you telling me so) things are not fine. I miss all the things we used to say and do, I miss having fun with you and being able to express myself to you.. I miss you expressing yourself to me too. -sigh- You know? there’s just so many things I can say but im not even really sure if those things will matter, especially after all this nonsense that has been going on. I just want you to know “mahal kita” ok? always, and there is not one day that passes where I don’t think of the first time you expressed your mind to me. I hope that sometime soon you can forgive me fully for not always expressing myself to you. I really do want to be able to give you a hug and feel a warm feeling about it that you can share with me, I want to be able to spend a lot of time with you like we used to before, I want to hear you talking to me with the soft voice you always used.. the way you used to call for me.. I know I might not get all of that back but I do know that if I can show you and prove to you that im serious about this.. maybe I’ll feel a bit more calm and relaxed. All I know is I do not want to lose you, not ever. So please hear my pleas, my heart was always in your hand all along. That string that still is attached.. I swear it’s still tied to yours. I suppose dreams don’t mean much to you but you’re always in mine.

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