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Tears and Uncertainty June 7, 2011

Posted by Hope~Sama in Cafe Lounge.
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Once a new day and then a new month, However it doesn’t feel too new really..

Currently Feeling..:

Unsure of things

A little random mess of words that i felt like posting simply because i am restless and i cant do much else right now.

Lately feels so blank, however it feels as though something big may occur in the near future and that i cannot ignore. Who knows whether it might be good or bad, but unfortunately its more likely to be bad than good. Sigh i’m pretty sure my feelings mean nothing half the time but it never stops me from feeling them. I suppose there’s more around me to make me sad and miserable than there is to make me happy and relaxed, though there’s not much i can do about that especially right now.

Each tear that falls is like an unspoken word that i cant mutter, each time i cry is another crack in my heart.. Though many cannot see. That is the way it is though, people cant see how you really feel unless you show them or they refuse to know by ignoring it. This goes for so many things unfortunately.. so many things i see each day simply enough.

I wonder of things often, alot of the time it might lead to pain but i still wonder. I can hope for the best but yes that does not guarantee anything. Attempting to go about life as if nothing happened can be hard, depressing even. We just cant ignore our issues forever, they will keep haunting us in the back of our minds. Eventually it will give way and have to be released sometime, then that’s when the emotions all flow out. And i know alot of the time my deep thoughts might not make sense, i suppose its meant to be a little deep since i’m not really stating any particular issues here. Sigh oh well..

I miss the days when happiness was not a rare treat that you get like once a year. What i would give to get all that back, what i would do to make that feeling a reality again. Patience can be a very powerful thing, so with that said i shall still be waiting. I just might wait forever.. i have no real problem with that at all.


Now onward to a more understandable topic that isn’t a cloud of thoughts that run through my mind. I am actually surprised it is pretty much almost summer now, the weird thing is.. it feels nothing like it. The weather being crazy and all of these random rain storms/windy cloudy days. I wonder what will become of this summer, all i know is this could be a breaking point for at least my family. I have no idea what will happen in the next few months but odds are it looks like it might not be so good. With my mom up to her stupid things again it proves to be difficult to even get through to her now (more than ever) and i hope it wont take a tragedy for her to realize how unrealistic she has been for the past uh i don’t know.. maybe 4-5 years? With that in mind it puts alot of things in jeopardy if she doesn’t start thinking straight. I pray nothing bad happens in the coming months due to her selfish behavior. sigh.. i truly wish i could have done the things i’ve wished and planned to do this year but it just is not looking like it will happen right now due to these circumstances.

Sigh thinking about these things is actually giving me a little headache.. oh well.. maybe this is the best time to try and lay down then. Always remember i am always waiting, and thinking of you.

-Hope ♥

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