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The Sharp Words That Pierce My Heart of Glass.. December 6, 2014

Posted by Hope~Sama in Cafe Lounge.
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..even the silence stabs so deeply… i wonder if this wound will heal or just remain as a blood stained memory..

Currently Feeling..:

Sad & Concerned

I don’t know what i am feeling right now.. i suppose maybe a slight despair? I am so confused with all these thoughts racing through my mind. I don’t even know where to start….
With the end of the year quickly approaching, it feels like things are happening crazy fast. I never thought i would feel so torn as i do right now. However.. i guess it cannot be helped.
I want “you” to know that yes.. you are still on my mind and.. yes, i have not slept yet. I just wanted to record what i feel before i rest. I hope i don’t have a bad dream because of this.. I don’t feel awkward because of the subject we were on. I felt awkward because i couldn’t bring myself to answer you with what was on my mind. I feel stupid because of it.. i mean yes it is very late right now but that was obviously a problem somewhere in that. I mean… you denied leaving for the night several times just shortly before that part of the convo simply because you wanted to make sure i felt better. I mean maybe im looking too much into this but i am pretty sure you left at the time you did for some other reason whether you will want to tell me or not. The end of that convo felt cold… unlike the usual sweet warmth that normally leaving on a happy note ends with. Clearly something is bothering you and i dont know what it is or even why. This has happened a few times before and at this point i think i understand that really when this “feeling in the air” changes to that coldness.. it usually means there’s a problem. I may not have been able to hear your voice or see your expression at that point of the conversation but i clearly felt something. I refuse to believe any other way.
Honestly.. aside from that, i mean i’m getting this same cold feeling come from various places…. my family and even other friends. I.. don’t know what is going on. Am i being cast aside out of defense on the opposing matter?
I am trying my best to make smiles and joyful auras around all of what we do. Though… i am guessing it is just one of those times where no amount of anything i do could change the outcome. Maybe i said the wrong things? Maybe i didn’t say what needed to be said? Maybe.. i’m just missing something and i’m looking like a derp and it causes the outcome to be “fed up” or “miserable”.
Whatever the case may be, it sucks… and i want to fix it.. Badly.
I truly hope that all the words i could have left unsaid (but didn’t) were not a mistake. I pray to God that it wont be a mistake. I don’t know how i would handle a pain like what i’m thinking could possibly be lying there. Maybe i’m being overly dramatic… but i surely hope i am. I suppose tomorrow will tell what lies in store for these issues i’m facing currently…
For now i suppose i have no choice but to rest in an uncertain slumber, awaiting a unknown feeling… an unknown reaction… this cliffhanger killing me… anticipating what may become of this new chapter that is about to begin.

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