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Whispers from the Heart December 11, 2014

Posted by Hope~Sama in Cafe Lounge, Hope's Game Diary.
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Like the slight breeze before the soon coming storm in the distance… Such as so are the whispers from my heart. Gentle yet Intense over time as the words begin flowing, i just pray they don’t carry you away~

Currently Feeling..:

Content yet Shy

So its almost mid December now and it feels like so many things have happened.
As i am getting random bits of sadness strung across bits of happiness through situations with my friends, i am hoping that things will just start to look more positively from here on out.
The weather has been chilly and thankfully rainy (as we have been needing that so desperately) and i believe its going to continue at least through the rest of this week. It has been so long since i’ve been able to see my backyard almost fully green and lively with all of the wonderful plants i have. All throughout this year it seems like there was only suffering due to the lack of rain and intense heat. I am glad that there’s a bit of revitalization at least.
As this month continues on i proceed to prepare for a few more birthdays of friends coming up :3 It is actually a bit stressful to think about how i am going to go about doing all of this but i’m sure i will manage ^^;

I just anticipate their reactions when i give them gifts that i’ve been trying to plan out since like last month lol. I really hope they enjoy what i’m going to give them as much as i’m giddy just thinking it over.
Feeling like i have been getting closer to all of my friends, even just a little bit, has really made me feel glad. After many years of being sort of isolated from friendships due to problems and trials with other friends, i feel like i’m finally able to get close to people once again. And i am so grateful for it because if there was any time i needed it truly.. i would say now is the time.
My heart is ecstatic over all of this emotional overload and i suppose it makes me look a bit silly. Silly enough that some of my close friends just cant help but want to tease me just to see me flustered. I love them so much but lol it drives me crazy that they want to see me flustered so much. Oh well what can you do, i just enjoy seeing and hearing their smiles when they talk to me. I suppose my embarrassment is worth their happiness in the end. I don’t mind it because in a way, despite my shyness, i like the fact that they are playing around with me. It really made all of our bonds closer.
On the flip side of that note, i suppose with this new found closeness it also is a recipe for me getting hurt a bit easier. Because i think of them all so highly and it is very difficult for me to not take things to heart.. Even the most simplest things that may seem hurtful still get to me. Although i try my hardest to not let it, i suppose i cant help it and it still affects me in some ways. Because of this, there have been big clashes between ideals with me and a few of my best friends.. and because i don’t want conflicts i just try to sit silently. Despite it just being a rant and lashing out without reason, it still ends up hurting me even though i know there isn’t anything i can really do about it. I would rather just endure the moments of chaos than damage any of the bonds i worked so hard to build. I suppose that’s another issue with building bonds like these. They grow to be so strong but at times can be so fragile as well. I suppose its the fragile bits that worry and scare me the most because i don’t want to lose friends again, that is a heartache i have a hard time healing over time. I have lost many friends, some through unfortunate circumstances and others through things that couldn’t be helped. I just want to try my best to not lose anymore.

On another note, it seems as though my activity in Ragnarok might increase more due to all the new updates we’ve been getting @.@ Now i feel like i have to reach the new level cap and obtain the new skills that came out lol. Though i haven’t been talking about it much, alot of things have happened in RO for me this last year. Maybe i’ll do a highlight with pictures sometime soon but i need to search throughout my screenshots and replays before i do that.

Other than that i do have a new camera now, and its pretty nice. Since i was little i always wanted to have one of those Canon cameras like some of my relatives had. I like taking pictures of random things randomly, as well as taking pictures of things that i have made. It wasn’t until now that i actually have a decent high end camera with exchangeable lenses. I am so grateful and blessed to be able to obtain these things, i hope that this new camera of mine will help me capture more memories of things that i cherish. (and be able to look back at those exact moments. )

Here is to hoping that as this year comes to an end like the many years in the past, that more blessings will come all our ways. Thank you everyone, all my friends, all of those whom i cherish and love. Lets make new memories and watch them blossom as we reflect on the memories of the past in reminiscence.

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