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Wandering in the depths of my mind, heart, and soul. December 19, 2014

Posted by Hope~Sama in Cafe Lounge.
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Taking a glance at the glass, the reflection in the mirror. The deeper i look the more i see. Won’t you tell me what i want to know? Won’t you say what i need to hear?

Currently Feeling..:

Uncertain..

So, i guess things started getting from good to bad to worse in a short time span. Once again i suppose it couldn’t be helped but there is really only so much i can do. However all of this going on right now is causing me to lapse into a depression that i’m struggling to get out of. Running away isn’t something i am proud of, not in the least. But i cannot help this feeling of needing to run in the first place.
Time and time again it ends up happening and it is very difficult to even escape. The tight grasp of reality tugging and pulling at my heart, body and soul is just unnerving.
I feel like i’m lying in an imbalanced mess of emotions coming forth from all directions possible, smothering me with the feelings that make me overwhelmed.
Although i might not be able to escape easily, i’m trying my best to overcome this and trying as well to not run away from my friends in the middle of it.
Why do i feel the need to hide from even things which i once deemed safe?
What is the reason why i fear this cold sensation that overcomes me, even though the warmth is so near?
There are so many things i can ask myself but really i might never know. All the answers i may seek to find, i guess its best that some are left a mystery.
All of the emotions that are overcoming me right now, a mixture of chaos just stiring in the air. It is so difficult to find the right words of what i would like to say… to feel.
Please don’t let me run away, don’t let me go even if i try. It isn’t what i want but i cant stop the sensation of wanting to.
I don’t want to experience the feeling of almost losing myself once more. I don’t wish to make the same foolish mistakes i once made in the past when things got too dramatic.
I want to be there, for everything..

As my emotions are stirred up in a flurry, i will try to overcome the things i once was not able to. If for you all whom i hold so dear and cherish, i would do anything.
May this night be peaceful and calm despite the tears that may fall randomly. May the smiles return and the warmth never leave. May this picture become like the ones we once remembered, the sweet scent of reminiscence.

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