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Taking a Nostalgic trip in the past~ November 14, 2014

Posted by Hope~Sama in Entertainment Room.
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Seeing a familiar road i walked down, upon approaching it makes the memories flood back to my mind..

Currently Feeling..:

A bit lonely

So here i am sitting here thinking over a few things. I don’t feel sleepy although it is about 2am now lol. Then i had the urge to look up something, the words “Ghost of us” just popped in my mind and i remembered there was a song i used to listen to by BBMak by a similar name. “Ghost of you and me” was the proper title but i thought it was odd that i would suddenly think of it, so i looked it up again. I ended up listening to it and singing along to the song as it was playing and that lead me to listen to various other songs i remember listening to so much.
Maybe i am feeling lonely right now, maybe i’m losing my mind. It is 2am and i’m thinking about songs like this, doesn’t that seem kind of strange? @.@
It is like i cant stop now. Maybe it will help me sleep? I mean i guess i don’t need sleep that much >>;
So i’ll just continue to listening to all these old songs, probably singing along to them as well to my hearts content. Hoping no one else will hear me because its past 2am.. xD
Then maybe, just maybe, i’ll figure out why i got drawn to this in the first place.
-hugs a plushie and continues onward in her journey of nostalgia with girlish glee-


A night out with friends~ November 12, 2014

Posted by Hope~Sama in Café Lounge, Entertainment Room.
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Don’t you know? It is fun to hang out with you. I hope this lasts forever~

Currently Feeling..:


So then, went to see a movie with Z—, her sister N—- and Tk. Of course shenanigans will follow us lol. We get there on time and when we are buying the tickets.. the time we were going to pick was sold out >>;;; (-shakes fist at 7:40 showing-) So we decided instead to go to the 9:20 showing.. but lol it was 7pm so… 2 1/2 hours of randomness until the movie starts. In the end we all decided to take one car out to the mall nearby and wander around lol.
(obviously, Tk was driving lol..) Anyways, when we got to the mall we forgot that Tk needed to use the bathroom and we walked already to the other side of the mall, only to realize that the bathroom was right next to where we walked in at. Soooo we walked all the way back there and after that headed into Best Buy xD.
We saw various funny things in there (lol random typo on a RC toy that said “Stabable” instead of “Stable”) After that we got some boba milk tea and proceeded to decide whether or not we should buy popcorn. After much thought we went for it and got the large bag (which i was saying would totally fit in my purse lol, i’d make it fit >>; ) When i saw the bag i kind of didn’t expect it to be that big >>;; plus it couldn’t even fold close, so we needed to eat some of it before even trying to stuff it in my purse for the movie lol.
When it was 9pm we started driving back to the theater. I managed to fit the bag in my purse and we made our way inside (lol the popcorn in theaters is unreasonably expensive ok?) After we got in, Tk went to buy a drink for all of us to share (i think it was like raspberry tea or something like that) and as usual after he bought it he started walking off not noticing us standing next to him lol. (He Always does this, we are like right behind him or standing not too far away from him and he looks around wondering where we are at. Never able to seem to find us lol even though we were either next to him or behind him the whole time.) As he started walking off a security guy walked up to me, Z— and N—- asking us for our tickets. Lol i admit i got a bit freaked out but Tk had our tickets so we had to try to flag him down before he wandered into the theater room without us and we end up getting kicked out >>;;.
We managed to get his attention and we walked in to see our movie, geez i don’t know why he questioned us in the first place anyways <<;;; Moving onward lol, we walked in and man was it full in there. Im surprised we found seats xD. We sat down and shared a few comments throughout the movie and credits. (lol those credits @.@) After the movie we all were thinking about if there was anything else we could do, it was about 11:30pm ish mind you, and decided since that it was rather late that chances are most places would be closed so we just went our ways and drove home. Met up on the RC and that was the night lol. But man the shenanigans that seem to follow us >>;;; Either way, it was fun/funny and im sure they had fun too.
Since this is Z— and her sisters final month here, i guess it will be rather eventful until the end. I don’t mind it too much, though i can say i was a bit depressed earlier today. At least i don’t feel so bad now lol.
I hope to hang out with all of my friends (especially you S——-) much more as the end of this year comes upon us all.

Thanks you all for being there for me, may we all have many more fun memories together <3

The Last Day of ‘Magic’~ Finale November 11, 2014

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The friendship we have & the bonds we made, let them last for years from now. Forever to be remembered in our Memory Album~

Currently Feeling..:

Happy and Grateful

So then, it has been a few days or so since spending that day at Disney. I will say it was rather fun (oh the shenanigans lol) and despite feeling the slight tiredness i had, i was able to stay rather awake through it all.
When i first met up with Z— that night i had asked her how her last day had went thus far, lol i guess she had an eventful day filled with people begging her not to leave. xD
Despite all that, the first thing we did was get ice cream lol. (In a mini kitchen sink) We shared that ice cream and then shortly after headed toward main street to watch the fireworks show. (dat blinding finale, like always lol)
After the firework show we began wandering around aimlessly and then went on the Alice in Wonderland ride (oh what fun lol spin spin take ALL the directions!)
Z— began talking about her AvP experience while we waited in line, lol that sounded really disappointing to her and it actually sounded so messed up even from my point of view >>;;
Lets see… after that i believe we started walking through various stores. (Obviously there is christmas decor and stuff Everywhere by this point lol)
Recalling those hilarious things we saw in the stores (namely the minnie mouse nut cracker and the Grumpy shirt, oh geez that was so weird >>;; )
In the end i ended up getting a dress lol (thanks to her discount it wasn’t That expensive <<;; but none the less i thank her very much for it) It is actually a color i don’t have, or at least i did not have for a while until now :x I really do like it though, its a nice memory and its my kind of style. (I finally have more things that match that cute little brown sweater i have now too lol, i think it will look cute with that dress *-* ) After we bought the dress we all wandered around a bit more, all the weirdo stuff we found in all the stores lol. (Among the many things being random weird derpy items with Woody on them and Tinkerbell looking like she works late nights >>;;; )
We played around with the shooting game, dodged crowds like a boss, and went on an almost seemingly endless search for the weird little costume tail sets that they had around in October.
We ended up finding the tails in the last store we went to in this tinnnnny little section, Z— tried to avoid it and play it off like we couldn’t find it at all but lol we found them anyways. Oh Tigger tail, She wouldn’t wear you but the thought of finding it and giving it to her was funny enough xD.
After the tail fiasco, that was pretty much what ended our trip. I know she had fun and so did i lol, i’m glad she could have at least one more night of enjoyment with us at Disney before she left.
Tomorrow we’ll be going out again to the movies to watch Big Hero 6. I’m sure that will be eventful too lol. (Even though i saw the movie already, i don’t mind watching it again xD ) I wonder what shenanigans will await us tomorrow. >>;; Especially since her sister is coming along. lol good times~

As always, i wish the best for all my friends and they can all have wonderful days.
Love you all <3

The last day of ‘Magic’ ~ November 8, 2014

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The magic i feel with you transcends all of reality itself, lets make these memories last..

Currently Feeling..:

Anticipation and Embarrassment

So then, today was kind of off at a bad start. Yesterday i was feeling so miserable but i think today was a bit better even though i still have Soooooo many things i need to do. @.@
As it is i am getting ready to leave on my last visit to Disneyland courtesy of a good friend of mine. (Today is her last day working there before she moves to another state so i’m spending it with her tonight, i’m not sure how many other people may be there but i know i’ll enjoy it lol. Probably gonna embarrass me somehow but oh well >>;;; that’s what friends do i guess xD )

Despite the rocky start to today i think i’m finally a bit more calm.(Thank you S——- for comforting me last night and being there, i appreciate all the time you take time out of your day/night to listen to me. :< I know that you know all this already and i know that you’ll just say “It’s ok” but i want you to know how deeply appreciative i am of it despite it all. I wish there was more i could do for you in return, as it is i am glad things are looking brighter for you in your life and that i could be a part of that to help. Here is me wishing and praying for the best for you.) I was hoping to get more things done today but i had not had the chance to even attempt to due to needing to leave in a few hours for this last meeting at Disney. I am sure of course that other than today i will meet up with her a few more times at least throughout this month before she has to leave at the very end. I hope that she enjoyed all the time we were able to spend together though, and i hope she likes my parting gift as a symbol of our friendship. (This is considering my fingers work fast enough to get the more important part of it done lol, ugh i’ve been slacking :< )

I truly do wonder whats gonna happen once she moves, i mean i’m sure we all will stay in contact like we usually do (Via the RC of course lol) but yeah~ i can’t help but wonder either way.
Especially with the unfortunate events transpiring recently regarding another friend of mine, it feels like some friendships are sort of falling apart a bit ._.;
Granted i am still able to keep in contact with everyone (thankfully <3) but i still worry about it in the long run .-. There is not much i can personally do when the opinions of someone else changes, i cant always persuade people to change their opinions but it is still hard to accept. Other than all of that i guess, i just need to wait until tonight is over before i can really have an opinion about everything~ I’ll probably write my thoughts on that when i get back but until then i guess all i am really having are floating thoughts about this entire thing. I suppose i’ll try not to think of the bad things and just try to enjoy myself at this last day hanging out with her at Disney. (lol she treated me to going to Disneyland so much this year, despite not being there since i was like 14 or 15 i think i have seen everything Disneyland has to offer for quite sometime xD I am pretty sure i went on all the rides again >>;; Last time i did that was so long ago lol.)

The days getting colder.. November 3, 2014

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Seems like each day is offering a more rapid change, i wonder if we are ready..

Currently Feeling..:

I don’t feel so good..

Annnnnnd, i don’t feel good. Whyyy don’t i feel good? u.u; This kind of sucks a little bit. It was also really cold last night. (like really cold lol so abnormal considering the weather that has been around here lately)
I mean don’t get me wrong, i love that its getting colder. (There has been a serious lack of cold Autumn/Winter weather for the past few years so i kind of missed it ._. ) ..But it is sort of a shock really.
I’m like, worrying about my garden because of it too. Though i will say it looks really beautiful outside now. At least i wont have to worry about passing out in the heat (Sorry you guys ><; i didn’t think that would happen to me! i swear! I mean it never happens u.u; ) Well, it is only mid-day after all and it still feels rather crisp. I am Sooooo glad i can finally keep my windows opened now (i would have kept doing it before when it was like constantly 70-80 degrees Fahrenheit but my Dad would not stop putting the freaking AC on >>; it was really frustrating.) and i think i have kept them open for like a few days straight now. I am liking that fresh air flowing through with the slight breeze carrying a soft fragrance of things in my backyard and from around the area. It is rather refreshing ^^;
For once it is finally starting to feel like Autumn, i have this feeling its going to rapidly begin to feel like winter though.. Well… we’ll see i guess.

Either way i suppose it is something to be happy and excited about, it reminds me of good times and bad. Though i suppose that cannot be helped much. I hope that upon the ending of this year, many of the things i have been hoping, wishing, praying for.. will come to pass.
Thank you to my friends for sticking by me, i love you all <3
Here is to hoping that this Winter to come carries many of our memories onward towards the New Year just slightly in the distance before us.

Feeling Worlds Away~ November 2, 2014

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I never thought i would feel like this again, maybe i just was not looking hard enough..

Currently Feeling..:

Slightly Embarrassed

Well then, it has been a rather long time since ive written an entree here apparently.
I suppose i’ll make a few make up posts over some lost time and recover where i left off. Apparently i stopped posting shortly before the Fire at my house happened. I guess i can clarify on that as well. :/

In all honesty i don’t believe many people look at my blog anymore (friends of course) i’m even more sure of it since i haven’t posted in nearly 3 years lol. Well to be fair like 2 years a half-ish xD

Well lets see… a few years has alot to offer to a person. Let me think if i can trace back to that time..
I will save the story about my House Fire for another time though (probably in a backed up post)

Since 2012 i had been going through alot, i lost alot, Many things precious to me.
I gained new things out of it but of course the memory of the lost wont leave my mind and my heart.

I gained new found friendships that i will forever cherish and love, As well as had issues with other new friendships that im still dealing with currently.

lol and my family is still driving me crazy. (but of course >>; )

Sadly aside from a few major events i suppose i cannot say too much has happened or changed, in my eyes at least. To others they would say its a whole new book and chapter that’s filled with so much it can barely contain.

It would take me way too long to record every single little event that happened but i suppose i can try mentioning things as i go along.

Well! Aside from all that i suppose that’s all i can really say on the matter of my not so distant past. Details regarding each thing will most-likely be mentioned in more depth when i make individual posts on the subject. Moving onward~

How i am feeling today, hmmm i guess i’m alright. Things could most definitely be better but i’m just dealing with it as it comes along. Having some slight problems with a few of my friends clashing with one another, but that trouble is being comforted by the kind and gentle hands of at least one friend of mine in particular. (Thank you, i’m sure you know who you are. If you ever see this of course~)
At the very least i am able to still talk to and hang out with both friends that are having the problem but i do hope that sometime soon that will get solved.

I have actually been getting back into writing poetry and singing more regularly as well, it seems to help relieve my stress .-. Plus i always enjoyed writing poetry and stories as well as loving to sing. I guess i’m gonna have a big archive of poems again rather soon lol.

And i have a special note for all my friends.

S– — : I am so glad i met you, i mean it was kind of silly. We met much earlier than the point where i Really got to know you. I enjoy all the conversations we have and i honestly do look forward to the many more we will have. I am sure you feel the same way in that regard and i would like to give you many Thank You’s out of gratitude for what you have done for me. I hope i never lose you. I am so grateful to have someone like you care about someone like me. Even though i feel like sometimes i don’t deserve the care, you try to reassure me that i do. Your concern for me means alot, thank you so much for being there for me. <3

Z— : Even though things are a bit tough right now i am sure they will improve. I really will miss you when you move away but i am happy that you think of me. Even though you may not say you’ll miss me too i feel like you may. Despite your solid shield you hold around yourself i can say that i know what you’re thinking even without words. Thank you for being such a good friend.

T— : I know how things with the previous incident are kind of messed up, but i’m glad i was still able to keep in contact with you despite all of the frustration. I do hope things settle down in the near future but in the event they don’t (which would be very unfortunate :< ) i am glad i can at least keep contact with you.

K—- : I am honestly not too sure what i can say to you right now, but i just want you to know that i still think of you and wish you well. I am not sure if you really do think of me but mm maybe not considering how busy your life has become. Either way i hope for the best in your life and i really do hope you do not get over stressed with how busy you have become. Things may be different now but i wont stop wishing you well. Here’s to hoping that you’ll realize the mistakes you made and make anew.

N—- : Gosh you’re so fun lol, thank you for being that extra ear hearing me out. Lol i warned you about “her” loving to talk up a storm as well as be very nosey and stalky xD. Thank you for your obvious concern of my well being as well. I really appreciate it. Its like everyday you always send me a pm to check up on me and make sure im doing fine. Thank you for it really <3

Now that is all said, i suppose i’ll end this particular post here. I’ll try to put more posts regarding what has happened and will happen shortly.
Thank you for your interest and concerns <3

With Love,

Lair of Memories ~ Archived Post February 22, 2013

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Roliana).
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The memories of.. Written letters you cannot send.

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As time went on i noticed you started being rude more, despite obviously not including me in your requests to hang out with our friends. It is clear to me that you have something against me or you just simply cant come to terms with the fact that i was right about most of the things you complained about that were happening around you…
You never want to listen to me, claim i’m trying to control you when we don’t even really talk, and you always have the nerve to talk badly of me to our friends. Don’t you realize how much that hurts me? You don’t even have any consideration of my feelings anymore and its so painful because i still love you. I don’t understand what you want from me anymore… You claim so many things but you have nothing to back up those claims… i just don’t get it.

Sigh, and even for “him” being dragged into it, i still have my problems with “him”… It is very difficult to deal with him considering all that is going on around me right now. I just hope that one day soon you’ll finally consider my feelings again and respect me. You did at one point in time and somehow (im pretty sure it was those people you hang out with, i can tell that they would be influencing you like that) after all we have been through.. you’re still willing to throw me off a cliff and destroy everything we cherished.. everything we had.. all the years we spent together.. and just lack faith period. I’ll keep hoping and praying that you’ll change, but sadly it just doesn’t look like i’ll see the guy i fell in love with ever again.. he just.. died.. when you changed.

Lair of Memories ~ Archived Post January 17, 2013

Posted by Hope~Sama in Old Archived Posts(Roliana).
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The memories of.. Written letters you cannot send.

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Sigh, well here i am again, that same place, that same thought… I always think about you, each day never passes without at least one thought. I always wished you would be the way you were.. back then.. 3 years ago. But you changed so much and it’s so depressing. How could you “hate” me? I don’t understand how you could after how much you said you loved me. I try to not let all of the past get to me but i always think back and have a slight glimpse of hope that you might change. That you might become what you once were again… the kind and considerate… loving and compassionate person i remember. Life has gotten hard for you, alot harder than it has been since you left me stranded here. You searched for me and tried to claim that you had no feelings anymore yet your excuse of letting things just “be like how it was” doesn’t make sense with what you’re expressing secretly. You needed me.. you even did things i never thought you would do, actually things i wish you did but never did either. I was there for you, i promised you i would always be here if you ever needed me. And behind my back you still proceeded to treat me like i was nothing, not needed, not considered. How am i not going to feel hurt by that? You can tell our friends whatever you like but i know you. I know how you do things and i know your heart. I left you be before and came back when you needed me. I did everything you wanted yet you still became impatient when i had a major crisis. You were told i lost my home, that i couldn’t be around as often because i needed to get things together. After the fire you got even more nasty and distant yet you still pleaded with our friends and tried to seek me out. Almost like you cared… and i fell for it like i always do.
My thoughts racing at a thousand miles per minute and yet i still cannot bring myself to hate you. I’ll always love you and i’ll always be here when you fall. Sadly the more you keep hanging out with that crowd though.. it’s gonna make you fall. They did it before and im sure they wont hesitate to do it again, i really hope you watch yourself out there in that big world. I would feel terrible if i found out something horrible happened because those jerks are using you. Sigh i just wish.. you didn’t become such a jerk too….

The Sad Symphony of my Heart February 11, 2012

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The many thoughts that race through my mind, the words that speak the feelings of my heart..

Currently Feeling..:

A bit tired…

As i sit here i reflect on many things. I pray that all of those that i cherish and people i have met in my life could see what i see. I pray that their pains might be taken away and their minds cleared so they can walk down the path of their life in righteousness.
I feel a need to speak my mind even if it isn’t much, a short memory planted ever so gently and cared for deeply in hopes it would blossom into something wonderful for all to see.
I love you all, no matter what may happen in the near future. Trials and Tribulation, whatever you may wish to call it, either way in the end the truth shall be known. That very thought puts my heart at ease, but the journey there will be difficult and hard for many to understand. I hope and pray that your eyes may be opened and your hearts cleansed from the evils of this world and what it has become.
The memories of things that happened when i was a child versus what goes on today is such a big difference it is horrendous. I cry sorrowful tears deep within me when i see these many things in the present time.
How everyone has become greedy and selfish towards one another, betrayal and malicious jealousy.. It is so tragic that one must endure the pains of such events especially when it involves someone dear to them. The world has truly changed for the worse and despite all that i see and hope for in my mind heart and soul.. i don’t see it ever getting much better. We are too far gone, too far lost, fell too far down into that pit and it is nearly impossible to climb out even with help.. after all many nowadays would leave them that fall for dead. It is sad to see what has become of our world, our lives. I ponder many of these things each day and i pray for the miserable souls that have to endure and survive through constant torment, i hope they find rest..
Despite all of this negativity i still look toward heaven with most of these burdens behind me, a lot try to drag me down but what can you do really? It is difficult to sever the bonds that tie you down completely especially if they rule your life. I pray for true freedom, freedom that doesn’t come with fine print or a catch. One day i am sure i will experience it, but until then i will continue to hope and pray dearly for those that need guidance and order in their lives.
I thank God every day that i can continue to take a breath and admire what is left of what once used to be a beautiful perfect world.. before it becomes completely corrupt with sin.

A letter of my heart, with wishes for the most reasonable best with what is left.

Another year for you February 6, 2012

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When a time comes that you feel so moved, express how you feel…

Currently Feeling..:


I always remember very special days, you might not think i do but i truly do. I would never forget something special about you. So i have come here to say, to make an archive of for you and everyone to see, that i hope you have a wonderful Birthday.
Always remember, i cherished every day i spent with you and especially the first day we met. Therefore, another important day to me is the day you were born.
It might not look like i am around but i think of you everyday, never forget that. If one day you stumble upon this please know that you are and always will be important to me. “Mahal Kita”, dont forget it.