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The days getting colder.. November 3, 2014

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Seems like each day is offering a more rapid change, i wonder if we are ready..

Currently Feeling..:

I don’t feel so good..

Annnnnnd, i don’t feel good. Whyyy don’t i feel good? u.u; This kind of sucks a little bit. It was also really cold last night. (like really cold lol so abnormal considering the weather that has been around here lately)
I mean don’t get me wrong, i love that its getting colder. (There has been a serious lack of cold Autumn/Winter weather for the past few years so i kind of missed it ._. ) ..But it is sort of a shock really.
I’m like, worrying about my garden because of it too. Though i will say it looks really beautiful outside now. At least i wont have to worry about passing out in the heat (Sorry you guys ><; i didn’t think that would happen to me! i swear! I mean it never happens u.u; ) Well, it is only mid-day after all and it still feels rather crisp. I am Sooooo glad i can finally keep my windows opened now (i would have kept doing it before when it was like constantly 70-80 degrees Fahrenheit but my Dad would not stop putting the freaking AC on >>; it was really frustrating.) and i think i have kept them open for like a few days straight now. I am liking that fresh air flowing through with the slight breeze carrying a soft fragrance of things in my backyard and from around the area. It is rather refreshing ^^;
For once it is finally starting to feel like Autumn, i have this feeling its going to rapidly begin to feel like winter though.. Well… we’ll see i guess.

Either way i suppose it is something to be happy and excited about, it reminds me of good times and bad. Though i suppose that cannot be helped much. I hope that upon the ending of this year, many of the things i have been hoping, wishing, praying for.. will come to pass.
Thank you to my friends for sticking by me, i love you all <3
Here is to hoping that this Winter to come carries many of our memories onward towards the New Year just slightly in the distance before us.

Feeling Worlds Away~ November 2, 2014

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I never thought i would feel like this again, maybe i just was not looking hard enough..

Currently Feeling..:

Slightly Embarrassed

Well then, it has been a rather long time since ive written an entree here apparently.
I suppose i’ll make a few make up posts over some lost time and recover where i left off. Apparently i stopped posting shortly before the Fire at my house happened. I guess i can clarify on that as well. :/

In all honesty i don’t believe many people look at my blog anymore (friends of course) i’m even more sure of it since i haven’t posted in nearly 3 years lol. Well to be fair like 2 years a half-ish xD

Well lets see… a few years has alot to offer to a person. Let me think if i can trace back to that time..
I will save the story about my House Fire for another time though (probably in a backed up post)

Since 2012 i had been going through alot, i lost alot, Many things precious to me.
I gained new things out of it but of course the memory of the lost wont leave my mind and my heart.

I gained new found friendships that i will forever cherish and love, As well as had issues with other new friendships that im still dealing with currently.

lol and my family is still driving me crazy. (but of course >>; )

Sadly aside from a few major events i suppose i cannot say too much has happened or changed, in my eyes at least. To others they would say its a whole new book and chapter that’s filled with so much it can barely contain.

It would take me way too long to record every single little event that happened but i suppose i can try mentioning things as i go along.

Well! Aside from all that i suppose that’s all i can really say on the matter of my not so distant past. Details regarding each thing will most-likely be mentioned in more depth when i make individual posts on the subject. Moving onward~

How i am feeling today, hmmm i guess i’m alright. Things could most definitely be better but i’m just dealing with it as it comes along. Having some slight problems with a few of my friends clashing with one another, but that trouble is being comforted by the kind and gentle hands of at least one friend of mine in particular. (Thank you, i’m sure you know who you are. If you ever see this of course~)
At the very least i am able to still talk to and hang out with both friends that are having the problem but i do hope that sometime soon that will get solved.

I have actually been getting back into writing poetry and singing more regularly as well, it seems to help relieve my stress .-. Plus i always enjoyed writing poetry and stories as well as loving to sing. I guess i’m gonna have a big archive of poems again rather soon lol.

And i have a special note for all my friends.

S– — : I am so glad i met you, i mean it was kind of silly. We met much earlier than the point where i Really got to know you. I enjoy all the conversations we have and i honestly do look forward to the many more we will have. I am sure you feel the same way in that regard and i would like to give you many Thank You’s out of gratitude for what you have done for me. I hope i never lose you. I am so grateful to have someone like you care about someone like me. Even though i feel like sometimes i don’t deserve the care, you try to reassure me that i do. Your concern for me means alot, thank you so much for being there for me. <3

Z— : Even though things are a bit tough right now i am sure they will improve. I really will miss you when you move away but i am happy that you think of me. Even though you may not say you’ll miss me too i feel like you may. Despite your solid shield you hold around yourself i can say that i know what you’re thinking even without words. Thank you for being such a good friend.

T— : I know how things with the previous incident are kind of messed up, but i’m glad i was still able to keep in contact with you despite all of the frustration. I do hope things settle down in the near future but in the event they don’t (which would be very unfortunate :< ) i am glad i can at least keep contact with you.

K—- : I am honestly not too sure what i can say to you right now, but i just want you to know that i still think of you and wish you well. I am not sure if you really do think of me but mm maybe not considering how busy your life has become. Either way i hope for the best in your life and i really do hope you do not get over stressed with how busy you have become. Things may be different now but i wont stop wishing you well. Here’s to hoping that you’ll realize the mistakes you made and make anew.

N—- : Gosh you’re so fun lol, thank you for being that extra ear hearing me out. Lol i warned you about “her” loving to talk up a storm as well as be very nosey and stalky xD. Thank you for your obvious concern of my well being as well. I really appreciate it. Its like everyday you always send me a pm to check up on me and make sure im doing fine. Thank you for it really <3

Now that is all said, i suppose i’ll end this particular post here. I’ll try to put more posts regarding what has happened and will happen shortly.
Thank you for your interest and concerns <3

With Love,
-Hope

The Sad Symphony of my Heart February 11, 2012

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The many thoughts that race through my mind, the words that speak the feelings of my heart..

Currently Feeling..:

A bit tired...

As i sit here i reflect on many things. I pray that all of those that i cherish and people i have met in my life could see what i see. I pray that their pains might be taken away and their minds cleared so they can walk down the path of their life in righteousness.
I feel a need to speak my mind even if it isn’t much, a short memory planted ever so gently and cared for deeply in hopes it would blossom into something wonderful for all to see.
I love you all, no matter what may happen in the near future. Trials and Tribulation, whatever you may wish to call it, either way in the end the truth shall be known. That very thought puts my heart at ease, but the journey there will be difficult and hard for many to understand. I hope and pray that your eyes may be opened and your hearts cleansed from the evils of this world and what it has become.
The memories of things that happened when i was a child versus what goes on today is such a big difference it is horrendous. I cry sorrowful tears deep within me when i see these many things in the present time.
How everyone has become greedy and selfish towards one another, betrayal and malicious jealousy.. It is so tragic that one must endure the pains of such events especially when it involves someone dear to them. The world has truly changed for the worse and despite all that i see and hope for in my mind heart and soul.. i don’t see it ever getting much better. We are too far gone, too far lost, fell too far down into that pit and it is nearly impossible to climb out even with help.. after all many nowadays would leave them that fall for dead. It is sad to see what has become of our world, our lives. I ponder many of these things each day and i pray for the miserable souls that have to endure and survive through constant torment, i hope they find rest..
Despite all of this negativity i still look toward heaven with most of these burdens behind me, a lot try to drag me down but what can you do really? It is difficult to sever the bonds that tie you down completely especially if they rule your life. I pray for true freedom, freedom that doesn’t come with fine print or a catch. One day i am sure i will experience it, but until then i will continue to hope and pray dearly for those that need guidance and order in their lives.
I thank God every day that i can continue to take a breath and admire what is left of what once used to be a beautiful perfect world.. before it becomes completely corrupt with sin.

A letter of my heart, with wishes for the most reasonable best with what is left.

Another year for you February 6, 2012

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When a time comes that you feel so moved, express how you feel…

Currently Feeling..:

Expressive

I always remember very special days, you might not think i do but i truly do. I would never forget something special about you. So i have come here to say, to make an archive of for you and everyone to see, that i hope you have a wonderful Birthday.
Always remember, i cherished every day i spent with you and especially the first day we met. Therefore, another important day to me is the day you were born.
It might not look like i am around but i think of you everyday, never forget that. If one day you stumble upon this please know that you are and always will be important to me. “Mahal Kita”, dont forget it.

A new Path has approached us January 3, 2012

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Shall we continue walking onward?

Currently Feeling..:

Reflecting

As this new year begins i hope and pray that blessings come your way.
I hope this year will open up new opportunities for many things and i hope that if bad things do occur that it will be merciful and swift.
As a reflection of the many things that happened last year, im hoping that things will go in a positive way. But i suppose that is up to us to look for and see as the future unfolds.
My prayers go out to you all, stay safe <3

The ballad of a cold, harsh, and vengeful Winter. December 28, 2011

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Dont let it drag you down, stand up stronger and resist with all your might. “Let your will be done” Amen.

Currently Feeling..:

Looking for the bright side

This has been truly an eventful year, with not only the many harsh natural disasters but the tension among many people is and was high. I dont really know what to say other than thank God that everyone i know is safe and doing alright. However.. i wish i could have done more in the year, i regret many things but at the same time i think back and realize that there wasnt much that i could do anyways.
There has been many bitter feelings in certain aspects revolving around this past year but i am also sure there wasnt that many bitter sweet endings. As always, i will continue to hope for the best and look forward toward tomorrow as if a grand mystery awaits us. My love will never wax cold and my heart will be strong. As long as im here, alive and mobile, i will continue to do what i can when i can.
As harsh as the things were, i hope that the following year wont follow suit in a bad way for those close to me. All i can say is stay strong and look for support and resolve through prayer. That is what gets me through my troubling times and honestly is the best advice i can give.
Well.. as this year comes to an end may God have mercy on us all.

Trials and Tribulation, Achievements and Reflections September 9, 2011

Posted by Hope~Sama in Hope's Game Diary.
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When you think things are great, dont get too ahead of yourself because you never know when hell is just around the corner.

Currently Feeling..:

Thinking of the Memories

There is alot i can say about what has happened over the past well several months, but i think i’ll break it down one by one. Lets go back in time a bit..

May 27th, 2011:

From the time period of my wizard hitting 99 it was a matter of about a few days that i decided to trans, then from there about a couple to a few weeks to get job 50 again and hit high wiz.

May 29th, 2011:

when i messed around on my dancer to be, i noticed while i was semi afk this one swordie person was spamming things around me. Emotes and random gibberish, lol you never know what you’ll find really.

June 10th, 2011:

then there was when i was leveling my alchemist, there was this funny instance where i died and my homunculus decided that even in death she would try to heal me up lol. Granted more hp while im dead isnt gonna do much unless im raised but that was pretty funny.

June 15th, 2011:

there was also an anniversary event in which they brought back old morroc and old payon (after the event it was possible to return to the map if you either have VIP status or are carrying the keys that were obtained from the quest)
It brought back some old fond memories ive had with the game, i do remember wandering around old payon back in the day and it was filled with so many people. I really do wish they use that map for something more than just a tourist attraction on the side with nothing developed in it.

July 10th, 2011:

i also managed to finally do the quest for accessing the new world. I have to admit though, that one part looked pretty amazing when you first walk up to it.

July 15th, 2011:


it had been nearly 2 months after transcending and reaching 99. I had been exploring and finishing alot of things that i had not had the chance to do and leveled on the side. (i was also leveling my alt characters to 99 as well so i could get them ready for trans so i suppose that set it back a bit too.)

it took me about 3-4 hours to go through the third job job-change test (it was mostly because of the stupid battle test, since the monsters if you arent careful can pretty much wipe you out in the first 5 seconds you spawn there.)

July 22nd, 2011:

after job-changing my main character, i still was working towards getting my others to 99, my priest was rather close and there was a few times i had some funny conversations. One in particular was with a baby priestess who was actually trying to level in GH with a baby huntress. i managed to capture a snapshot of her that day.

July 27th, 2011:

as it was drawing closer to my birthday, there was a wonderful little surprise in plan. My friends were working together to help me achieve something im pretty sure i wouldnt have done on my own. To get my first god item, Asprika. I dont remember how long we were actually trying to save up but i do know it was at least a good month of farming up the items and finding deals for the god pieces. We had to actually sell some good pieces of gear we had to gather up money faster too but that wasnt so much of a problem since we could pretty much try to get it all back later anyways. The plan was to get the Asprika before my birthday (Which was in the beginning of August) and our goal was achieved really close to it.

July 29th, 2011:

a little bit of time had past but a couple days later it was officially deemed mine to keep.

July 31st, 2011:

By this point i managed to get 2 out of the 3 characters i was working on to level 99 so i was just fooling around and getting everything ready for transing them. As usual i always wandered into amusing things. I wish songs covered this much ground lol its just too bad only bards can do this -sigh-

funny enough, later that day there was an invasion of bosses from bloody branches in south pront. Ah memories of breaking branches in south pront, one of the biggest hang outs that i remember.

August 1st, 2011:

My guildies and friends always had funny ways of amusing me, like Levolt here.

Midway of august i finally decided to trans my alchemist (i didnt get any pictures of that though aside from my skill/stat reference ones) and we also started random boss hunting.
We didnt get anything good though, as expected, but it was fun none the less.

August 17th, 2011:

Then my memories start clouding up in tears as i managed to get this perfect picture of me and Rai. i suppose its a bit emotional for me because it was one of the times i managed to get a good picture without random things clouding up the screen. Sadly it was the only one i was able to get when things were kind of calmed down. This was all nearing the end of the month of august.

A little over a week of that last memory i had also job-changed my priest. (again no picture aside from skill/stat reference)

And after that, things got darkened.. Because i had gotten banned. It turns out that when i was trading with someone, i apparently came into the possession of “Bad Zeny” and i had worried about what would happen after that. Though i had the opportunity to be unbanned if i abide by a zeny wipe that added up to the amount of what was traded. Luckily for me i didnt spend any of the money yet, and i didnt lose any of my items on my account to add up to it. However the fact the event even happened was sort of a mood killer for me… in more than one way. Because after that, things started falling apart and fast. It seemed like the shock of getting banned affected my friends as well (especially because it wasnt just me that got banned too, another friend got banned on his inherited account and another on his main account.) It almost felt like it was an infection spreading fast. As far as i knew alot of people actually got banned around that time. Luckily though, we were able to obtain our accounts back and we hoped we wouldnt get caught in a messy situation like that again.

September 8th, 2011:

The last screen shot i have is one of most of us sitting in my beloved Afk spot, no its more than that now, my guild spot.

It had been a very entertaining and devastating ride at that, with good and bad memories. From here on we didnt give up but we felt it was time to take a break again. I still pop in every once in a while for an event or two but it seems as though my returning ended just as it started. Me and one or two other friends just checking in to see whats new and possibly doing something more. Sometimes i wonder if it was for the best or if it was for the worst. I’ll still play RO even if its by my lonesome or with one other friend, its just sad to see how it became what it is now.

Kind of like the Memories of Day One July 28, 2011

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Sometimes you wish you could turn time back, just to relive the memories. I know i do.

Currently Feeling..:

Nostalgic

It feels almost like just a fragment of a memory. Like something so unreal.
It feels like life is lying to me, like i never went through that trial.

I remember the first time you opened up to me, it was really cute. I wouldn’t forget it ever.

“here goes.. hm.. er.. kung alam mo lang sana kung gaano kita kamahal lahat ibibigay ko mapasaya ka lang”

Yeah it was kinda like that..

the reality was the truth in his words, how heartbreaking that it felt but how much meaning it had. That’s all that mattered. I was so lost back then but when he found my heart he held it close and caressed it with tender love and care. All the pain i had was suddenly erased and it took me a while to figure out why i felt that way.. I guess that’s love for you.

I continue to remember all the times we had fun together, all the things we did and shared.

It seemed as though i really couldn’t stop thinking about him, thoughts of him always flooded my mind and it made me happy. Even my friends could vouch for that, my mind and eyes were set on him and him alone.

We always had fun together, growing ever closer and it made us both happy.

We both were happy just to be in the presence of the other, really that’s all that mattered and our friends knew this too.

We were so close.. we told each other everything and felt like nothing else really mattered. The way we felt transcended throughout everything..

I wanted to live in it forever, that bliss i felt. The joy and happiness i felt by just knowing he was there with me and would always be there for me. That’s what i lived for, and that’s what i continue to feel like i will live for. Even if it took thousands of years, my heart wouldn’t sway. I still love him..

It is possible that i am reminiscing because its getting close to my birthday but there just is something inside of me crying out, wanting to speak out and tell the world how i feel. I want him to see and i want everyone to see. I’ll be patient as i always am, waiting peacefully. I know that one day, i will be able to see his face and hear his voice. The moment he calls out my name and looks at me like we’ve known each other all our lives will be the moment i probably wouldn’t be able to hold back all the tears i’ve been hiding inside of me. They will be tears of joy that were waiting to be expressed. The reality of it all, expressing how much i truly miss and love him. I thank God every day that i am alive so i can think about him and remember. I pray that we will once again be like Day One.

In my dreams and heart, i will always be here waiting. Don’t forget the memories, they are the threads that mend together your life. Without memories and experiences, life would be empty. That’s why i cherish mine.

Let the memories live on.

– ♥ Hope

Secrets of my Heart July 10, 2011

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My heart, please salvage it as it is in your hands to keep

Currently Feeling..:

A bit Emotional

Well there is no easy way to say this but… I need you, i’m just so broken right now.. i know you have to be watching at least a little bit from a distance. I’m not too sure how things are for you but i constantly pray for you and your surroundings. I always think of you and worry if you are doing alright. As i sit here so far away drowning in my own misery, i try my best to overcome my sadness and i think of you.

After such a long time between my posts i suppose this is a bit random, i just have this pain from thinking about how i am right now. All of that would be calmed down if i could just be able to be around you again. You mean that much to me, i feel that you can break me so easily if you wanted to… But maybe i gave you that power ever since the day you touched my heart. I gave it to you and i believe you still hold it gently irregardless of how things have been.

I just want to be saved by the warmth of your embrace.. to be held and told it will be alright and that things happened but it did not change a thing.

Sigh well more of my ramblings at 12am while i try and sleep, i haven’t been able to do much of anything lately, i’m sorry if you worry about me, i’m sorry if you wonder where i’ve been. I don’t want anyone to worry like crazy about me but i do feel better knowing i’m thought of..

Well i suppose i will go and try and fall asleep now, attempting to wake up early and work on my way to a full recovery.

Thank you for existing, and remember i am always here waiting.

Tears and Uncertainty June 7, 2011

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Once a new day and then a new month, However it doesn’t feel too new really..

Currently Feeling..:

Unsure of things

A little random mess of words that i felt like posting simply because i am restless and i cant do much else right now.

Lately feels so blank, however it feels as though something big may occur in the near future and that i cannot ignore. Who knows whether it might be good or bad, but unfortunately its more likely to be bad than good. Sigh i’m pretty sure my feelings mean nothing half the time but it never stops me from feeling them. I suppose there’s more around me to make me sad and miserable than there is to make me happy and relaxed, though there’s not much i can do about that especially right now.

Each tear that falls is like an unspoken word that i cant mutter, each time i cry is another crack in my heart.. Though many cannot see. That is the way it is though, people cant see how you really feel unless you show them or they refuse to know by ignoring it. This goes for so many things unfortunately.. so many things i see each day simply enough.

I wonder of things often, alot of the time it might lead to pain but i still wonder. I can hope for the best but yes that does not guarantee anything. Attempting to go about life as if nothing happened can be hard, depressing even. We just cant ignore our issues forever, they will keep haunting us in the back of our minds. Eventually it will give way and have to be released sometime, then that’s when the emotions all flow out. And i know alot of the time my deep thoughts might not make sense, i suppose its meant to be a little deep since i’m not really stating any particular issues here. Sigh oh well..

I miss the days when happiness was not a rare treat that you get like once a year. What i would give to get all that back, what i would do to make that feeling a reality again. Patience can be a very powerful thing, so with that said i shall still be waiting. I just might wait forever.. i have no real problem with that at all.


Now onward to a more understandable topic that isn’t a cloud of thoughts that run through my mind. I am actually surprised it is pretty much almost summer now, the weird thing is.. it feels nothing like it. The weather being crazy and all of these random rain storms/windy cloudy days. I wonder what will become of this summer, all i know is this could be a breaking point for at least my family. I have no idea what will happen in the next few months but odds are it looks like it might not be so good. With my mom up to her stupid things again it proves to be difficult to even get through to her now (more than ever) and i hope it wont take a tragedy for her to realize how unrealistic she has been for the past uh i don’t know.. maybe 4-5 years? With that in mind it puts alot of things in jeopardy if she doesn’t start thinking straight. I pray nothing bad happens in the coming months due to her selfish behavior. sigh.. i truly wish i could have done the things i’ve wished and planned to do this year but it just is not looking like it will happen right now due to these circumstances.

Sigh thinking about these things is actually giving me a little headache.. oh well.. maybe this is the best time to try and lay down then. Always remember i am always waiting, and thinking of you.

-Hope ♥